it's april fools, anyone got any good jokes
A drifter walks into a bank and tells the teller he’d like to open an account. The teller asks how he makes his income, and the drifter replies “I make bets.”
The teller is skeptical so he calls over the banking manager. The bank manager brings the drifter into his office.
“So you earn a living making bets?” Asks the bank manager.
“Yes, that’s right,” says the drifter. “How about this? I’ll bet you $20 right now I can bite my eyeball?”
The manager is incredulous at the proposal and agrees. The drifter pops out his glass eye and bites it.
“Okay,” says the manager, handing over a twenty. “But something like that only works once.”
The drifter raises his eyebrow. “Oh? How about $100 that says I can bite my elbow? Not like I can pop my elbow off!”
The manager, with some hesitation, agrees to the bet. The drifter removes his dentures, and bites his elbow with them.
The manager reluctantly hands over $100. “Okay,” he says, “You’ve got me twice now, but I still can’t believe that these tricks are a stable enough income to meet our requirements.”
“Oh yeah?” Says the drifter. “Then let’s get serious.” He grabs a waste basket and sets it ten feet away from the manager’s desk. “I’ll bet you $10,000 I can stand on top of your desk, and urinate directly into that waste basket, and not spill so much as a drop on the floor in between.”
The bank manager knows this can’t possibly work, and that $10,000 is a lot of money. But he’s cautious from having been tricked twice.
“No loopholes or tricks,” he says at last. “I will be calling in my lawyer to make sure everything is on the level.”
“Fine by me,” says the drifter.
The lawyer arrives sometime later, and sits down next to the bank manager. The drifter stands on top of the desk, pulls down his pants, and begins, but does not make it to the waste basket. Instead, he actually urinates wildly around the office, hitting the carpet, couch, desk, and basically everything but the waste basket.
The bank manager laughs, gets up, and applauds, saying “Yes! I knew you couldn’t do it! I just made $10,000!”
“Congratulations,” says the drifter, who is also smiling, but is now looking to the lawyer. The manager, confused, looks over to his lawyer, who has a livid expression.
“What’s the matter?” Asks the manager. “I just won $10,000!”
The lawyer, with the most sour expression imaginable on his face, pulls out his checkbook and says, “What’s the matter? This man bet me $50,000 that he could piss all over your office, and that you would be ecstatic about it!”