that said Detroit has an okay and somewhat similar confluence of things
but counterpizza: the Illitch death circle
Detroit has a lot of great stuff but the pizza isn’t standout in nearly the same way as Windsor’s is. But – it is pretty decent.
Chicago? who hurt you
New York? ehhh pretty good sometimes and at least the bad pizza is “good” bad pizza
San Francisco? what the fuck, who explained what a pizza was to you?? christ this is not a pizza town (killer burritos and bento though)
Toronto? you… you just looked at a picture of a pizza and made something that looks similar but isn’t at all. wtf y’all Windsor is RIGHT THERE setting the bar
LA? the only pizza there is on the sidewalk and it’s actually set detritus
Paris? no, NEXT, stick to your unmelted cheese and delicious filthy bread
Munich? why’d you have to go fucking MUNICH it and make it all tidy and clean and subsume the soul? the taste reflects that
Grand Rapids, Michigan? do not go to Grand Rapids, Michigan but if you’re stuck there for some reason, go to Gino’s pizza on the west side (IMPORTANT: NOT THE EAST SIDE ONE – make sure you’re on the side of the river that has all the bowling alleys) and enjoy some of the best pizza with a bona fire “Bob’s Burgers” style child-labor experience
Vancouver? you have too much ocean to do pizza right
Seattle? same problem but less terrible taste. I half-remember throwing a slice on somebody’s windshield due to a sexist bumper sticker but details are hazy
Nashville? the pizza came with some waiter-on-waiter racism that made my fucking skin crawl, so my transposed memory of the taste was “spiders” and “get me the fuck out of Tennessee.” but who knows — that might actually be what it tasted like
Minneapolis? do yourself a favor and get Phở instead. it’s still a river town at the end of the day and the pizza reflects that. although I hear they have Pizza Lucé… but the only one I can vouch for is:
Duluth? Pizza Lucé. Go. Do it. Get Pizza Lucé. It’s so fucking good it has no right to be that good GO, NOW, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR
Bloomfield, Indiana? not bad if you like bad pizza. but honestly you could put hot cheese on some dough yourself and probably do better.
Ann Arbor? not inherently good but if you get pizza-like things that aren’t pizza at Pizza House and get a mason jar full of marinara, you can have a “serviceable” time
Italy? what, do I look like I know things? I don’t know shit about Italy