Alright everyone, with some serious talk of a Direct coming this week or next, I think it's time to move onto our second discussion topic. This one unfortunately also has the potential to take up a lot of time for responders, but I believe it's the natural point of discussion for the thread at this point: guessing the contents of the next presentation. Whether you think it'll be a general, a mini, a Partner Showcase, Pikmin 4, or even Pokémon Presents, I encourage you to predict it in as much or as little detail as you'd like. As a corollary, if you think the next presentation will be boring to predict and would rather skip to something more exciting you see coming later in the summer, feel free to do so! There are no rules here, only imagination.
Alright, I'm going to respond to my own prompt now, and I'm going to deviate very heavily from the timeline I laid out for the last one. I'm a speculator at heart, not an analyst.
To start, I'm going with a general Nintendo Direct on this Thursday, June 15. It will be announced tomorrow morning in US time, giving us an agonizing two day wait until it airs. Additionally, I'm going with the September Direct airing timing for no other reason than it working better with my work schedule this week.
That's all fluff though. Let's get into the meat and potatoes, as it were.
Nintendo Direct: June 2023
Xenoblade Warriors
Surprise! The cold open is the Nintendo Warriors game that only a few had anticipated. While it hasn't been long since Three Hopes, I think that the timing could work out if we assume that it was held after completion. October 13, 3023
Koizumi
How was that? Let's get into oUr FiRsT bAtCh oF NiNtEnDo sWiTcH HeAdLiNeS
[headlines]
Mario Party 11
Yes, we're doing this. Restarting the series right where we left off in 2015, Mario Party 11 will probably actually take after Super Mario Party or even Superstars. Incidentally, the latter's baffling exclusion of the former in its gallery makes me believe a new game will be numbered 11. September 8, 2023
Farmfuck
Welcome to Farmington, the sleepy town where you've just moved in Farmfuck, the new relaxing farming game from Square or Namco or something. Gather materials, craft using recipes, and otherwise funnel your dwindling time on Earth into an experience that is as banal as it is exhausting. October.
Rabbids DLC
Oh my god, they made another one of these? I don't know or care what it'll be like or when it'll come out.
OTHER STUFF
I'll be checking Discord at this point.
[/headlines]
Koizumi
How was that? Here's Miyamoto, he's kinda like my boss or something.
Pikmin 4 segment
I expect a Miyamoto-led segment with a brief explanation of the game's loop, setting, story, and controls. What does dandori truly mean? I think it's important that they get fresh eyes on these details to expand the Pikmin audience rather than targeting existing fans.
Tezuka jumpscare
Hello everyone, I'm Takashi Tezuka, shadow king of Mario. Today I'd like to talk about the Mario Bros. It's been about forty years since the Mario Bros. arcade game, and Mario has changed a lot in that time. We've made many 2D Mario platformers, and most recently games where players can make Mario courses themselves. However, today I'd like to show you the Mario that
we made. Please take a look.
Super Mario Bros. & Co.
This will be a 2D Mario with a 3D art style focused on physical materials and realistic and beautiful baked lighting. Mario, Luigi, Peach, and Toad all appear in signature Mario overalls (TEZUKA: with this new art style we thought it'd look a little silly for Princess Peach to run and jump in a dress), all working for the titular Super Mario Bros. & Co. The game starts out with urban levels and proceeds underground, to the countryside, to the coast, and beyond. November 17, 2023
God damn it it's Koizumi again
I hope you all like Mario. Wahoo! Headlines!
[headlines]
A high speed racer returns
Yeah, we're doing F-ZERO GXDX and fuck yeah it's a shadowdrop. Physicals will ship with the new Joy-Con colors, which are not just timed for the (presumably limited) Everybody 1-2 Switch. F-ZERO looks good but the music is still rough.
RPGeezers
Envious of the young and spry, the evil Googlamesh has used his archaic magic to turn the denizens of the fair kingdom of Pruneberry into cantankerous elderly forms. Slowly travel the world and seek out the strongest among the artifically aged population to join your party and banish Googlamesh to bed with a warm glass of milk. 2024
Other stuff again
Mario Kart 8 Deluxe Booster Course Pass
God, I don't care. Check the thread, they've all guessed the tracks that'll be in. Call me for the final wave with Kyoto Kartway.
[/headlines]
Koizumi
Well, how was that shit? We're almost done with today's Nintendo Direct, but first we have a message from Mr. Aonuma, producer of the Legend of Zelda series. Mr. Aonuma?
Mr. Aonuma time
Hello everyone, I'm Mr. Aonuma, producer of the Legend of Zelda series. Today I have some updates to share about the Legend of Zelda Tears of the Kingdom. Zelda has sold a bajillion copies, so I'd like to thank the dedicated fans. I'm glad that our work paid off. Later this year we'll release a free update for the game that includes a more difficult Master Mode and some other tweaks to the experience. This will be the only planned update for the game as we move on to our next grand adventure. However, please take a look at these.
GANONDORF AND ZELDA AMIIBO
These amiibo figures of Ganondorf and Princess Zelda will be available later this year. You can use them to get new gliders for in the game. I hope that everyone buys two of each and that I get a commission on them. Thank you everyone.
Koizumi returns
How was that? The next segment will be our last announcement. Please take a look.
Metroid Prime 4: Isolation
Whatever, it's been long enough since that Alien game, we'll be fine. It's four syllables! The game looks great somehow, easily as good as Metroid Prime Remastered, and is coming on October 27, 2023.
Goodness, that was almost as exhausting as the 18 month timeline. I hope you all enjoyed reading! Here are a few notes:
- Splatoon 3 Side Order seems unlikely to appear based on it having just been teased in February
- I've thought Mario would open the Direct for ages, but I now see it as something that they'll want to preface with a developer like Pikmin 4
- In fact, I snuck in a lot of developer segments. This wasn't really intentional, but it feels appropriate for what was once E3 season, doesn't it?
- Xenoblade Warriors is based entirely on Xenoblade Chronicles 3 being prominently featured in the marketing of the current eShop sale, but it also feels appropriate and perfect to open a Direct
- I'd have loved to put 2D Mario in September but the sale also featured Mario Party. I wanted both, didn't think they would be in consecutive months, and don't think Mario Party can carry November
- No idea what this unhinged schedule means for Pokémon spinoffs, if anything
- Tomodachi, Fire Emblem 4, and Thousand Year Door are all getting saved for later. Maybe September!