I had this strange feeling the other day: For the first time in years and years, I had a brief moment where I felt completely detached from the gaming community.
Thing is, I've been involved in a massive music project recently, so my head has been full of music, not games. And it sort of opened my eyes on how the two art forms and communities differ from each other. I caught myself almost longing back to the metal band days, thinking about how - even though metal music is very male-dominated and sort of dudebro in a similar fashion to how game spaces can be -there was just this whole different vibe. No angry snipes on social media or toxic climate at tournaments, just people going to gigs and parties to perform and have fun. And how music is so much more immediate and accessible to be emotionally moved by, as opposed to a game.
I think the viral Valorant tweet is what broke me (If you didn't see, it's an instance of a player saying the most vile and disgusting shit ever to a girl who was playing alongside him, and the replies were full of equally awful behaviour) and made me feel like, "what on earth am I doing in this subculture?" even though I know there are friendly spaces in games, like here. I have another meeting with the girl coder group on the 4th, but I honestly don't feel much up to it. I'd rather make more music.
Anyone else getting random feelings like that?
Yeah, I had feelings like that a few weeks ago when the Stellar Blade discourse was a thing. Problem there was it wasn't just hitting gaming spaces but art, anime, etc as well, so it felt almost inescapable. To pivot to something not as gross though, to some extent I feel that way in the car hobby now as well. A lot of the Japanese cars I loved in my 20s have quickly moved to being
"collector status" thanks to the internet so now the prices have shot up and the clubs that used to be wholesome, friendly shadetree mechanic types are suddenly filled with "ban the poors" trust fund jerks who I can't stand to talk to. Doesn't help that several of the close friends I used to have in the hobby have somehow evolved from "nice nerds who gushed over mechanical stuff with me" to "cops."
It's something I was going over with my therapist, actually, how much I've let
other people be a part of what I enjoy, to a point where other people can then ruin what I love. I'm now trying to not think so much about doing things to share with people but to do them for
me, community be damned, as a total outsider if I have to. If I'm the only long-haired lefty at a car meet blasting 90s jpop when he rolls up then fuck it, I'll own that proudly. I don't even have to
talk to any people, I'm there for the cars anyway (and sometimes the dogs people bring).
I mean I'll have a ton of anxiety while doing so, but still. Point is I gotta let it me about me and not them, or their bullshit will drown me. Which is supposed to sound encouraging, but I dunno how it comes across.
But to bring it back closer to what you were talking about, I didn't see the Valorant thing but I am aware of it because I saw people's reactions to it, absolutely shredding the guy and his type. I hate that that's even "a type" but there
are others out there. We may not be as loud as them but we're out there. And we're here. On Famiboards Dot Com.
I think it's awesome that you have your music to make. I'm glad you have a thing your brain can beeline into when other stuff gets rough. But I also think the girl coder group sounds awesome too, sounds like a really good space to be into games and tech without the threat of all the outside garbage. I'd hope that the loud online jerks don't ruin that for you. We need more of yall and less of them.
souploverspizza.itch.io
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