it finally happened, gang, I had a dream I was watching the June direct under bizarre circumstances!
Most of it was obscured but I can tell you these juicy details:
- Some sort of Animal Crossing and/or Yoshi plot-heavy fishing game including a godhead whale island was leaked — but I don’t think it was in the direct (or I wasn’t able to see it)
- Splatoon 3 has anti-grav like Mario Kart 8, underwater exploration, and you can throw “squarties (squid parties)” by collecting tuna cans, sushi, and decorations to eat together (which somehow played like Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater)
- There was something called Fzzafgrllt V’e that looked like the next game after “BALDO THE GUARDIAN OWLS” — the art style had matured slightly, but all the characters were made taller only by having much longer legs. Proportion was very, very wrong.
- Neon White was bought out by a literal white monolith and the only change was that it had edited itself into the background of the game.
- Something called “Terror United” was shadowdropped, which seemed to be a simulation of operating DOS games on an old computer, but as a virus took it over and you had to use ancient internet explorer to interact with Y2K sonic fanart forums to fix the virus before it infected you
- New Klonoa. it was literally called New Klonoa like a damn New Coke joke.
- Bayonetta 3 release date (didn’t catch it), first sequence of the game shown — literally a mine kart level a la Donkey Kong Country but in 3D through snake ribs with a funky “misc purple and beige magic” environment
- no silksong
And here’s the big one:
The camera pans over Hyrule field, castle floating in the background as the
Winds of Malice whistle by. a desiccated guardian begins flashing and beeping out a message like a distress signal, to something we can’t know, or perhaps a distant time. we hear a whistle in the distance…
HYRULE WARRIORS: FATED DAWN
appears on the screen. “Fated Dawn” is in old glowing blue-green text, like the arm. It looks like a burn, kind of.
The camera carries on. as we see several more guardian husks, they begin to sink into the earth. A new title flashes:
HYRULE HOPES
No information on this one is given.
The camera finally lands to show the castle from a mid low angle. It’s beautiful. The shot stays still.
Everyone assumes it’s over and can’t believe they announced two side projects instead of the game’s name. BUT THEN…
The name is revealed. I’m no longer looking at one of the many screens in the weird round hallway I’m in, so I miss it.
But I do turn around in time to see the longest chain sword I have ever seen whip into the castle, the camera quick-turn to haggard skyLink flying towards the castle with it (a la hookshot), hopping up, doing a slow-mo funky arm pull, and ripping a psychic hole in it so that the momentum carries him through.
and then I realize I’m in some sort of exhibit or E3 or VR experience to see the inside of the castle!! with much more information!!
Inside the castle are various setups by various Hylia-adjacent cultures. 18 swords line the walls in colored flame and need to be “purified”. The inside of the castle is broken chunks held aloft, including a library chunk you can skydive down to. There was a tall statue with hinox guts in a bowl on its head. Rough maps were on a couple walls. The whole thing felt like combination Hyrule Castle, Mario 64 Peach’s Castle, Crumbling Farum Azula, and Twilight Princess sky temple. Oh! There was definitely an Ooccoo but it was running and hiding, didn’t want to be seen!
also it really may have been a VR exhibit / representation because a bunch of other people were there doing the skydiving to the library island — including several animal crossing villagers and a couple of YOUR avatars given life. (lookin’ at you,
@Derachi penguin)
also many of the people there weren’t 100% sure if the skydiving was supposed to be that way and thought they would die. Maybe it was the real world? idk it was a fucking weird-ass dream.
you’re welcome
