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StarTopic The Mental Health [ST]

What economic status do you have and how do you feel

  • Poor mentall illness

    Votes: 4 19.0%
  • Poor no mentall illness

    Votes: 1 4.8%
  • Middle class mentall illness

    Votes: 7 33.3%
  • Middle class no mental illness

    Votes: 2 9.5%
  • Upper middle class mental ilness

    Votes: 5 23.8%
  • Upper middle class no mental illness

    Votes: 2 9.5%
  • Jeff musk zuckerberg the 3rd mental illness

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Jeff musk zuckerberg the 3rd no mental illness

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Total voters
    21
  • Poll closed .
Probably not the place for this but we don't have a dating thread and it kinda has to do with my mental health. I've been dating this woman for a few weeks now and she told me tonight that she had been dating other guys as well but she's tempted to drop them all for me. I told her it was up to her but I'd like it if she chose me. She didn't say she would but we're seeing each other again on Saturday so it's positive news right? My brain says what if she doesn't and drops you instead. Even though it's like stupid brain she wouldn't have said that if she didn't mean it. It's difficult to shut the brain up sometimes.


Edit: and of course as soon as I posted this she sent me a selfie lol
 
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I have my family, as in my mom, my dad, my sister and extended family, but that's it.

Anyone else in the same position? I feel guilty because otherwise I'm privileged, but I can't help but feel friends and romance are a big part of life I'm missing out on and it gets me down sometimes.
 
I have my family, as in my mom, my dad, my sister and extended family, but that's it.

Anyone else in the same position? I feel guilty because otherwise I'm privileged, but I can't help but feel friends and romance are a big part of life I'm missing out on and it gets me down sometimes.

I'm definitely in the same position, as loneliness is a big part of my mental struggles right now. I can count the friends I really trust and love on one hand, and they're tremendous. I also feel guilty when I feel lonely because I have them and they're a huge source of comfort. But they're sort of "scattershot friends". One I met at a party in 2007 who now lives in Tokyo, one I met at a summer convention, one is my hairdresser, etc. I feel like one thing missing from my life isn't friends, but a social network and social context, or some sort of "hangout gang". And that stuff is very important in life. As for romance, well, I've been single for 15 years, and I can't say it's not eating at me sometimes, especially since my one and only relationship I've ever had was abusive.

I understand why it gets you down sometimes. Family is important, but not the be-all-end-all of one's social needs. My advice would be trying to reach out to other people more. Hard as it may be, we live in a sort of norm where reaching out can be considered pushy, yet at the same time, people tend to appreciate it.
 
Gotta say, I see a lot of people suggesting that you should be happy and content by yourself before looking for a relationship but tbh I disagree with that. I think certain types of people are just much happier in a relationship than out. and it will always feel like something is missing when you're not in one.

I know for me I'm always a lot happier when I'm in a relationship than when I'm not.
 
Y'all ever get a sudden nervous breakdown, in a way that makes you think about every single bad scenario might happen, or if it will happen. Especially in a work environment that depends on the client satisfaction.

I'm also been thinking about other people and their well being, since sometime i wonder ,, Maybe i should have been there more...''.

There's something upsetting about drifting apart from someone you've known for years, but it's even sadder knowing it's probably for the best, since you and that person have wildly different belief... Even if the other person value is whack.

Also... Anyone afraid of what's going to happen in the future, despite living in the best age of being alive, with all the technological advancement and how easier everything is.... Like the future is hella bleak, it's not even funny, sometimes i wonder if giving up can be a viable option...

Sorry for the rant, just wanted to let that out of my chest.
 
Gotta say, I see a lot of people suggesting that you should be happy and content by yourself before looking for a relationship but tbh I disagree with that. I think certain types of people are just much happier in a relationship than out. and it will always feel like something is missing when you're not in one.

I know for me I'm always a lot happier when I'm in a relationship than when I'm not.
My therapist once said some people might never be content with themselves so this very commonplace sentence is somewhat evil.
 
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🐈‍⬛ our PTSD is so bad lately and I hate it 🥺🥺. Everything reminds me of the bad man and none of us can see kissing at all without flashbacks and going into flight even if it's just in tv shows or games and even if it's just on the cheek or forehead. I hope he dies
 
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I have my family, as in my mom, my dad, my sister and extended family, but that's it.

Anyone else in the same position? I feel guilty because otherwise I'm privileged, but I can't help but feel friends and romance are a big part of life I'm missing out on and it gets me down sometimes.
Just about the same. I try to make up for it by being super social in WoW and I also just got a dog irl. It can be fun to stay busy that way.
 
Does anyone here struggle with ocd? I was diagnosed a little over a year ago, and sometimes it just feels so suffocating. Just so much fear and guilt and anxiety.
 
Hey y’all. I know this isn't the most popping thread on fgameboards, but not really sure where to share this. I don't think I've felt any real Joy since I was like 18 or so. Don't get me wrong, I'm not feeling overly depressed or anything, just feel strange some days. But the last time I felt well and truly happy was when I was a teenager. I'm 30 now. Does anyone have any tips for feeling more joyful as they get older? Things I used to get excited about like video games or whatever don't really elicit that same reaction anymore. And even though i still regularly see a great group of friends from highschool, I don't feel happy when I'm with them anymore, if anything I feel anxious and uncomfortable in my own skin. I didn't feel that way when we would hang out in high school
 
Hey y’all. I know this isn't the most popping thread on fgameboards, but not really sure where to share this. I don't think I've felt any real Joy since I was like 18 or so. Don't get me wrong, I'm not feeling overly depressed or anything, just feel strange some days. But the last time I felt well and truly happy was when I was a teenager. I'm 30 now. Does anyone have any tips for feeling more joyful as they get older? Things I used to get excited about like video games or whatever don't really elicit that same reaction anymore. And even though i still regularly see a great group of friends from highschool, I don't feel happy when I'm with them anymore, if anything I feel anxious and uncomfortable in my own skin. I didn't feel that way when we would hang out in high school
What do you guys do? You might need to see a therapist.
 
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Does anyone here struggle with ocd? I was diagnosed a little over a year ago, and sometimes it just feels so suffocating. Just so much fear and guilt and anxiety.
I was recently (6 months ago now) diagnosed with "severe OCD" by a very good specialist who I've been working with. It's often misunderstood and underrepresented just how much it fucks your world up.
 
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Hey y’all. I know this isn't the most popping thread on fgameboards, but not really sure where to share this. I don't think I've felt any real Joy since I was like 18 or so. Don't get me wrong, I'm not feeling overly depressed or anything, just feel strange some days. But the last time I felt well and truly happy was when I was a teenager. I'm 30 now. Does anyone have any tips for feeling more joyful as they get older? Things I used to get excited about like video games or whatever don't really elicit that same reaction anymore. And even though i still regularly see a great group of friends from highschool, I don't feel happy when I'm with them anymore, if anything I feel anxious and uncomfortable in my own skin. I didn't feel that way when we would hang out in high school
Therapy might be a good start — even something casual instead of a psych or something. You can try to do different things — stuff that you think you might find fulfilling. There are lots of volunteer opportunities out there, for example. I personally like to read when I’m feeling this way.

Hopefully you can find something that motivates you and keeps you passionate. Good luck <3
 
I'm autistic. This is really fucking hard to say. It's always been hard, and I hate that it's hard. But it's true that it's hard. I've been ashamed of being autistic my whole adult life, and it's only very, very recently that I'm loosening up on that, and it has taken until last week to realize that I am actually way more affected by my autism than I've allowed myself to be. Come to the crushing realization that I've been masking so much, all this time.

Because last week, I had a pretty massive meltdown over a social situation. And I kept saying to myself, why? Why am I so sensitive to this, why is my brain reacting this way? And then I had a conversation with my mother and I felt like oh my god, I'm thirty-three years old, I can't just sit here being comforted by mom like I'm a toddler.

Then just these last few days, I've been playing TotK so intensely that I've forgotten to sleep, eat and clean. As if I'm possessed, obsessed. Same thing there. Why is my brain this way? It's the best game ever, but it's more to it than that. Like, I know for an obvious fact that TotK has been my special interest ever since it came out, but I can't help but feel like I get a "loser perspective" on myself, as if I should berate and scold myself for being hyperfixated on something.

I've always felt ashamed about being "weird and odd" growing up, but things really kicked off with being diagnosed with "asperger's syndrome" a decade ago, and I hated that, because "aspergers" is such a phonetically ugly word. Who names a diagnosis like that? It's just cruel. It was in the middle of my teacher studies and I remember feeling like such a failure when I had to drop out of the profession due to it being too much of a pressure on me.

Like, holy shit. Even when I introduced myself in the Fami staff channel, I wrote an introduction post that listed a bunch of small, funny facts about me, that started something like "vegan, bipolar, trans, washed-up Twitch streamer, brunette..." etc, and I sort of squeezed in "autistic" in the middle so people wouldn't notice. (I know that I didn't have to say anything but like, it was fun to rabble stuff like that)

The bipolar stuff is something too. I'd much "rather" tell people I'm bipolar, because it's just too much to tell people I have both bipolar disorder and autism spectrum. And for some reason, I have a way easier time talking about bipolar stuff when it comes to my mental health. Which is weird, because it's actually affecting me less than my autism, since I'm on heavy medication for it.

I feel like I contribute to some kind of awful stigma by thinking like this and acting like this. Autism and autism awareness is a struggle for many, and here I am feeling weird about it in a way that so many people want many people to not feel like. It's a struggle, and I'm not helping anyone by shuffling shit under the rug.

Dunno what to do from here. How do I "accept" being autistic better? I feel like I have to come to terms with the fact that this is messing with my life and is becoming a hindrance in much more severe ways that I've previously thought (social stuff is difficult, energy levels is even more so, etc.) and I have to stop masking all the time. It's destructive and leaves nothing but trouble, but all I want to do is drink champagne on the rooftop with slick career women while not being an alien.

I know what people often say, "you should talk to someone", "seek professional help" etc, and it's true that I do have that. Quite fragile help (My standard terapist isn't a specialist, and the psychiatrist I have on the autism center is someone I meet once every two months, if not more seldomly) but other than falling apart, I'm writing this because I also place value in getting outside perspective from equals.
 
I'm autistic. This is really fucking hard to say. It's always been hard, and I hate that it's hard. But it's true that it's hard. I've been ashamed of being autistic my whole adult life, and it's only very, very recently that I'm loosening up on that, and it has taken until last week to realize that I am actually way more affected by my autism than I've allowed myself to be. Come to the crushing realization that I've been masking so much, all this time.

Because last week, I had a pretty massive meltdown over a social situation. And I kept saying to myself, why? Why am I so sensitive to this, why is my brain reacting this way? And then I had a conversation with my mother and I felt like oh my god, I'm thirty-three years old, I can't just sit here being comforted by mom like I'm a toddler.

Then just these last few days, I've been playing TotK so intensely that I've forgotten to sleep, eat and clean. As if I'm possessed, obsessed. Same thing there. Why is my brain this way? It's the best game ever, but it's more to it than that. Like, I know for an obvious fact that TotK has been my special interest ever since it came out, but I can't help but feel like I get a "loser perspective" on myself, as if I should berate and scold myself for being hyperfixated on something.

I've always felt ashamed about being "weird and odd" growing up, but things really kicked off with being diagnosed with "asperger's syndrome" a decade ago, and I hated that, because "aspergers" is such a phonetically ugly word. Who names a diagnosis like that? It's just cruel. It was in the middle of my teacher studies and I remember feeling like such a failure when I had to drop out of the profession due to it being too much of a pressure on me.

Like, holy shit. Even when I introduced myself in the Fami staff channel, I wrote an introduction post that listed a bunch of small, funny facts about me, that started something like "vegan, bipolar, trans, washed-up Twitch streamer, brunette..." etc, and I sort of squeezed in "autistic" in the middle so people wouldn't notice. (I know that I didn't have to say anything but like, it was fun to rabble stuff like that)

The bipolar stuff is something too. I'd much "rather" tell people I'm bipolar, because it's just too much to tell people I have both bipolar disorder and autism spectrum. And for some reason, I have a way easier time talking about bipolar stuff when it comes to my mental health. Which is weird, because it's actually affecting me less than my autism, since I'm on heavy medication for it.

I feel like I contribute to some kind of awful stigma by thinking like this and acting like this. Autism and autism awareness is a struggle for many, and here I am feeling weird about it in a way that so many people want many people to not feel like. It's a struggle, and I'm not helping anyone by shuffling shit under the rug.

Dunno what to do from here. How do I "accept" being autistic better? I feel like I have to come to terms with the fact that this is messing with my life and is becoming a hindrance in much more severe ways that I've previously thought (social stuff is difficult, energy levels is even more so, etc.) and I have to stop masking all the time. It's destructive and leaves nothing but trouble, but all I want to do is drink champagne on the rooftop with slick career women while not being an alien.

I know what people often say, "you should talk to someone", "seek professional help" etc, and it's true that I do have that. Quite fragile help (My standard terapist isn't a specialist, and the psychiatrist I have on the autism center is someone I meet once every two months, if not more seldomly) but other than falling apart, I'm writing this because I also place value in getting outside perspective from equals.
I don’t really have any experience or expertise that can help, but I just wanted to say that, to me, you are always inspirational. I always see you as Level headed, calm, fun and wise and a pleasure to discuss anything with, from the mildest of media stuff to serious topics. I don’t know whether that’s tied into ‘masking’, but I just wanted to say I’m glad to be your friend.
 
I'm autistic. This is really fucking hard to say. It's always been hard, and I hate that it's hard. But it's true that it's hard. I've been ashamed of being autistic my whole adult life, and it's only very, very recently that I'm loosening up on that, and it has taken until last week to realize that I am actually way more affected by my autism than I've allowed myself to be. Come to the crushing realization that I've been masking so much, all this time.

Because last week, I had a pretty massive meltdown over a social situation. And I kept saying to myself, why? Why am I so sensitive to this, why is my brain reacting this way? And then I had a conversation with my mother and I felt like oh my god, I'm thirty-three years old, I can't just sit here being comforted by mom like I'm a toddler.

Then just these last few days, I've been playing TotK so intensely that I've forgotten to sleep, eat and clean. As if I'm possessed, obsessed. Same thing there. Why is my brain this way? It's the best game ever, but it's more to it than that. Like, I know for an obvious fact that TotK has been my special interest ever since it came out, but I can't help but feel like I get a "loser perspective" on myself, as if I should berate and scold myself for being hyperfixated on something.

I've always felt ashamed about being "weird and odd" growing up, but things really kicked off with being diagnosed with "asperger's syndrome" a decade ago, and I hated that, because "aspergers" is such a phonetically ugly word. Who names a diagnosis like that? It's just cruel. It was in the middle of my teacher studies and I remember feeling like such a failure when I had to drop out of the profession due to it being too much of a pressure on me.

Like, holy shit. Even when I introduced myself in the Fami staff channel, I wrote an introduction post that listed a bunch of small, funny facts about me, that started something like "vegan, bipolar, trans, washed-up Twitch streamer, brunette..." etc, and I sort of squeezed in "autistic" in the middle so people wouldn't notice. (I know that I didn't have to say anything but like, it was fun to rabble stuff like that)

The bipolar stuff is something too. I'd much "rather" tell people I'm bipolar, because it's just too much to tell people I have both bipolar disorder and autism spectrum. And for some reason, I have a way easier time talking about bipolar stuff when it comes to my mental health. Which is weird, because it's actually affecting me less than my autism, since I'm on heavy medication for it.

I feel like I contribute to some kind of awful stigma by thinking like this and acting like this. Autism and autism awareness is a struggle for many, and here I am feeling weird about it in a way that so many people want many people to not feel like. It's a struggle, and I'm not helping anyone by shuffling shit under the rug.

Dunno what to do from here. How do I "accept" being autistic better? I feel like I have to come to terms with the fact that this is messing with my life and is becoming a hindrance in much more severe ways that I've previously thought (social stuff is difficult, energy levels is even more so, etc.) and I have to stop masking all the time. It's destructive and leaves nothing but trouble, but all I want to do is drink champagne on the rooftop with slick career women while not being an alien.

I know what people often say, "you should talk to someone", "seek professional help" etc, and it's true that I do have that. Quite fragile help (My standard terapist isn't a specialist, and the psychiatrist I have on the autism center is someone I meet once every two months, if not more seldomly) but other than falling apart, I'm writing this because I also place value in getting outside perspective from equals.
I also don't have personal experience myself, but I just wanted to chime in to say that one of my old college roommates who is one of my best friends is also trans and has aspergers. So reading through this I was nodding along with a lot of what you described just through my experience of being friends with her for years, and what she has gone through.

I don't really have much to add, just that she's dealing with a lot of the same things and that you're not alone!
 
In a pretty dark mindset right now. My meds still keep the suicidal thoughts away but if they didn't Id probably consider it again. I'm just so tired of it all. I'm to the point where I can't trust people. I can't tell what their true intentions are and I'm paranoid they're not being truthful in their words and actions. I'm thinking of shutting people out as a result. Like someone who has never been nice to me before has suddenly started being extremely nice to me the last two days and I'm internally questioning their motives as to why. I've always had trust issues but an ex almost killed me and now I have anxiety and extreme trust issues afterwards. This sudden nicety wasn't what started it but it didn't make it any better. Just people's expectations on "who I should be" versus what I am and how I refuse to change what makes me, me. Just constant expectations on how I should be and people's disappointment when they discover who I am is so tiring. It's all just so much.
 
Yesterday I went to a party (actually it was a Mario Kart Deluxe tournament) and I had a great time because I a lot of the people there included me on the conversations and make physical contact with me (hugs, handshakes) and generally just treated me like a friend. I knew some of them from a Whatsapp group and I didn't expect them to actually have an interest in me. But it made me also emotional and frustrated because I am 28 and the average age there was like 22, and they are so much more able to behave naturally in those kinds of environments... The majority of them are childhood friends though so it's normal that they just feel so comfortable around each other and not slightly awkward like me.

Since I "broke up" with my former group of friends at 22 because they were toxic as hell, I have only a couple (literally) of close friends and my social skills (that were not great to begin with) have deteriorated so much. I can't help but feel like a loser and humilliated each time I try to do or say something funny to make them laugh and happy to be around me but my brain refuses to work the majority of the time. I am truly my worst enemy and isolating myself on the internet where it feels like every corner of it is full of hate, agressivenes and doom just made it all worse. It's so shocking now to have normal social interactions with new people that don't feel like they secretly (or not so secretly) hate me.
 
Yesterday I went to a party (actually it was a Mario Kart Deluxe tournament) and I had a great time because I a lot of the people there included me on the conversations and make physical contact with me (hugs, handshakes) and generally just treated me like a friend. I knew some of them from a Whatsapp group and I didn't expect them to actually have an interest in me. But it made me also emotional and frustrated because I am 28 and the average age there was like 22, and they are so much more able to behave naturally in those kinds of environments... The majority of them are childhood friends though so it's normal that they just feel so comfortable around each other and not slightly awkward like me.

Since I "broke up" with my former group of friends at 22 because they were toxic as hell, I have only a couple (literally) of close friends and my social skills (that were not great to begin with) have deteriorated so much. I can't help but feel like a loser and humilliated each time I try to do or say something funny to make them laugh and happy to be around me but my brain refuses to work the majority of the time. I am truly my worst enemy and isolating myself on the internet where it feels like every corner of it is full of hate, agressivenes and doom just made it all worse. It's so shocking now to have normal social interactions with new people that don't feel like they secretly (or not so secretly) hate me.

Replying here because I recognize myself a lot here. From what you’re describing, it sounds like your worries come from a place of uncertainty - but ultimately, I think a lot of it is brain ghosts. If your friends treat you as a friend, and you feel that there’s enough foundation for a mutual trust bond, then you’re friends - no matter how much your brain refuses to cooperate. It’s hard to not be your own worst enemy but seeing yourself through the eyes of others can help a ton. To really see yourself from their perspective. Who are you? And who are you to them? If you are a good, nice friend in their eyes, that most certainly means that you’re a nicer, less awkward person than you give yourself credit for.

To address the age thing: I have friends several years younger too. It just ended up that way. I used to have younger friends that sort of put me on a pedestal as the “big sister”, and it frustrated me that the age gap made them feel like we couldn’t be seen as equals. (Something my current friends have been able to do, hence why we’re still friends) Like, a gap in life experiences when it comes to age gaps is inevitable but that doesn’t exclude the fact that meaningful social bridges can be built between people, as long as one is allowing for it - which can be easier said than done, but still doable.

I also want to sincerely express appreciation for the fact that you broke up with a toxic group of friends - while I might not be knowing to the details of it, as someone who has done that time and time again, it’s a freeing, net positive feeling, and it does sound like you’re in a better place socially now. I want to offer a perspective that brain ghosts are a pain and that trust can be hard at times, but if one allows themselves to let worries go and appreciate a group of friends for what they truly are and show, it can have a good outcome.
 
I'm sure we'd all agree that you have community and friends here - that's the great thing about forums like this, forming connections even online, having an escape, not having to worry about some of the difficulty that comes with in person interaction, having an outlet to talk about the things noone else wants to talk about. I know it's different to in person but hopefully its something.

I can guarantee you that you aren't a worthless loser even if it may feel that way sometimes. Just know that even though online, you can find community who hopefully can make things a little more bearable so you never hit the point of no return
 
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Last night I had a few hours where I was feeling really depressed, and like, I don't know what to do. It just feels like life is pointless, like my life is going nowhere, and that for years I've just been an a loop where I make no progress and just feel like I exist because it's what I'm accustomed to doing. Like often I just have no desire to live anymore but also have no motivation to end it either, though trust me, I spend hours virtually every day thinking of the various ways that could be accomplished (though I don't think I'll ever seriously consider it and probably just use it more as a coping mechanism). I have a job with no PTO so I feel like I can't take vacations, especially when there are unforeseen expenses combined with splurging at times, I feel really burned out but I am too scared to risk quitting and taking another job. What this means though is I can't really take much time off, I haven't had a week off in at least a year, and I work nights so it feels almost impossible to have a social life and when I do have a day I am either tired from messing up my sleep schedule or essentially trapped inside my apartment since my neighbours would complain if I make noise and everything is closed at night so I can't really go out and do much. Like doing this for years longer on end just doesn't sound like something I want to do, and I often don't even bother with hobbies because I feel like it means nothing, like why bother trying to learn a language if that takes years and I don't even know if I'll be alive by then? I just don't understand how other people do it, it's not like I'm doing horribly compared to many others, but I don't understand how people just go on living their lives without being massively depressed and suicidal.
 
Last night I had a few hours where I was feeling really depressed, and like, I don't know what to do. It just feels like life is pointless, like my life is going nowhere, and that for years I've just been an a loop where I make no progress and just feel like I exist because it's what I'm accustomed to doing. Like often I just have no desire to live anymore but also have no motivation to end it either, though trust me, I spend hours virtually every day thinking of the various ways that could be accomplished (though I don't think I'll ever seriously consider it and probably just use it more as a coping mechanism). I have a job with no PTO so I feel like I can't take vacations, especially when there are unforeseen expenses combined with splurging at times, I feel really burned out but I am too scared to risk quitting and taking another job. What this means though is I can't really take much time off, I haven't had a week off in at least a year, and I work nights so it feels almost impossible to have a social life and when I do have a day I am either tired from messing up my sleep schedule or essentially trapped inside my apartment since my neighbours would complain if I make noise and everything is closed at night so I can't really go out and do much. Like doing this for years longer on end just doesn't sound like something I want to do, and I often don't even bother with hobbies because I feel like it means nothing, like why bother trying to learn a language if that takes years and I don't even know if I'll be alive by then? I just don't understand how other people do it, it's not like I'm doing horribly compared to many others, but I don't understand how people just go on living their lives without being massively depressed and suicidal.
Maybe a dumb question but:

Have you tried changing to a job with a better work/life balance?


Also I wouldnt care about what your neighbours say or think if you are not doing something obviously annoying
 
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I feel so terrible today.

I dont want to go to detail but... There are some shitty things in my life and I'm sometimes struggling with those.

But there are some really nice things in my life that I am fucking up.

So that feeling of self-destruction is the worst. And the worst thing is I thought I had matured and was past that.
 
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I am sorry if this isn't the right time to vent, in light of the recent political events, but... I continue to feel so bad about myself, stuck on negative thought loops and straight up terrible self-steem. I am sorry if want I am going to say sounds terrible.

I have been using Tinder a lot recently it has made my mental health so much worse, to the point I am beginning to sour on people and society, crazy as it may seem. I am just so freaking tired of the majority of my matches being literal BOTS. I am genuinely pissed when I am having a seemingly nice conversation for a few days with a girl, only to get unmatched or ghosted with no explanation or apparent reason. One even said to that she felt like she was talking to a good old friend with me, and it made me feel so good for a few days, only to get unmatched. Maybe I screwed up, or she realized I was more boring that she initially thought... but I think just another hotter guy appeared in her feed, that's it. It's all so incredibly demoralizing.

Or maybe it's just because I am an objective failure in societies eyes, and it is making me spiral into hating both society and myself. I have had depression since I was 17 (because of abuse, bullying and body image issues). Now I am 28. Well, since then I have accomplished... nothing. Despite being a "gifted kid" in highschool, my attention span plummeted in uni and couldn't follow the classes. I think in the USA there are mental health departments and actual help to students struggling with these kinds of problems. Here in Spain? Nothing of that, from what I have seen. Professors just told me that they won't treat anyone differently under any circunstances. I have literally wrote e-mails to some of them telling them my story and problems and they just kept replying with a "fuck off" response. I have to add to this that my parents are literally professors and researchers at that uni and still with that privilege, I got nothing. If I failed to send obligatory homework on time, or failed to attend a class because of suicidal thoughts... that was it. I just fail the whole subject.

These affected my mental health so much that you can't even imagine. I kept failing and failing in the ONE THING that I was good at. I had one job, and I screwed. The only thing that was sustaining my self steem all my life just disappeared. And people around me, all of them, just didn't seem to care at all. I was just a failure to them, not a person in need of help.

Nowadays, I am trying uni again with Computer Science (I was a math student earlier) at an online university where you can manage your time and there are no obligatory class attendance. I have begun to build my study discipline again now thanks to this and doing fairly well in classes. Other students even ask me for help often. There are severe downsides though that are making me depressed as well, because I can't make new friends now in this online campus.

But it's too late. I am 28 with no degree. I am no different than a NEET in people's eyes. Even if I graduate when I hit 30, I will have trouble finding a job because I have no job experience in the field.

You can tell me that I am wrong, but I think majority of girls judge me on this. What will a person trying to date choose, a person with a stable job or one that doesn't even have a degree at 28? I don't even have a chance. I completely screwed up and I feel so bitter inside.

Like I mentioned in other posts, I don't have many friends. I don't have opportunities to meet other people organically other than literally approaching them in the street or bars, which is something that can go awful.

I am so sorry and I am aware this all sounds incel-y, but... I really want a partner, guys, and to form a family. I spiral when I think I have everything against me in this. My only friends just tell me that I am "again with the neurotic behaviours" when I try to open up a little. I hate what I have done, I hate that I failed university and didn't study properly for many years. I hate my body and appearance so much. I hate that girls just ghost me on dating apps, the only place where I am able to meet them. I feel so defeated.
 
I need to vent after watching this video addressing the next evil facist president basically wanting to kill trans people. It's like one day I'm so happy for making the transition and the next I feel awful because it seems like my country wants me dead and I start to feel like giving up.

I will not directly link the evil X platform and put this in spoilers but if you are in my shoes buckle up, we can support eachother through the dark days ahead.

This monster aims to kill us.

 
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