james
continued history of ill-mannered behavior
face it, we all knew we'd fuckin end up here. the cruel, unwavering passage of time was always leading us down this road. reality television shows are trashy, and as more and more trash is shoveled onto our plates, as various parts of our everyday lives inch ever closer to a post capitalist ruin we require more potent garbage to sate our despicable appetites. this show is positively abhorrent; ludicrous in scope and concept. a truly heinous thing to see with your own two eyes
and brothers, sisters, and enby cousins.... i'm here for every goddamned sordid moment of it.
cue the late title card drop baby
what?: you know what thats a fair question
when?: monday morning at 3AM GMT. Thats sunday night 10pm EST/7pm PST/9pm CT/8pm MT. other time zones are hard, im an american thanks
where?: technically the TLC channel. technically also discovery+ im sure you can find other... methods, if youre diligent. might i recommend google dot com? i believe in you soldier
now... lets meet... the milfs
(i grabbed these images directly from TLC's website so the fact theyre not all formatted the same is canon and absolutely not my fault)
and now... themanors mans
there are two episodes available for your viewing pleasure as of this posting
Episode 1: MILF Said Knock You Out (1/15/2023)
this episode reveals the TWIST which i hinted at in some of the boys' bios above. i made it kinda obvious, probably. if it didnt click youll know within the first like, 10 minutes of the episode. they play an unhinged game after finding out. a light appetizer for what comes next.
Episode 2: Your MILF Should know (1/22/2023)
things start tumbling down hill at an alarming rate in this episode. one of the contestants has a real existential crisis moment on main. i absolutely do not envy 'em.
Episode 3: Your MILF Dont Dance (1/29/2023)
who the fuck knows whats gonna happen in this, but i'm ready.
oh i guess all those names are takes on song titles. specifically titles with some variation of mom (mama, mother, etc) in the title. you cheeky bastards, i didnt even notice that until now!!!
so.... what say you famiboards. will you take my hand and join me on this depraved journey? im here for you. lets face this cold future together.
and brothers, sisters, and enby cousins.... i'm here for every goddamned sordid moment of it.
cue the late title card drop baby
what?: you know what thats a fair question
when?: monday morning at 3AM GMT. Thats sunday night 10pm EST/7pm PST/9pm CT/8pm MT. other time zones are hard, im an american thanks
where?: technically the TLC channel. technically also discovery+ im sure you can find other... methods, if youre diligent. might i recommend google dot com? i believe in you soldier
now... lets meet... the milfs
(i grabbed these images directly from TLC's website so the fact theyre not all formatted the same is canon and absolutely not my fault)
KELLE
from california, got like six kids. cant believe shes single (easy to understand why honestly ). real estate broker/personal trainer by day, cougarin' it up by night or whatever.
SHANNAN
an event planner from HOTLANTA baby, dropped her husband of 18 years, took a break, dated a 27 year old and realized cougar life was for her. respect.
STEFANY
born in peru, lived in LA since she 8, realtor, mom of 3, lookin for love
SOYOUNG
a surgical nurse hailing from the beautiful bayou of new orleans, she describes herself as the dominant one in relationships with a taste for men in their 20s.
APRIL
an insurance rep from detroit, been divorced for 4 years but its kinda married to her job. will she let loose????????
POLA
mexican native, living in miami where she runs a gym with her family. shes been single for nine(!) years and is ready to get back in the game, baby. (editors OP's note: shes my favorite)
CHARLENE
another LA transplant, this time from new jersey. has a job in hospitality and recently got out of a toxic marriage.
(the other)APRIL
continuing the heavy LA representation april used to be in heavy metal music videos (no i havent looked any up, maybe later) and is a personal trainer now. the tearjerker of the bunch, she was engaged last year but her fiance passed away.
from california, got like six kids. cant believe shes single (easy to understand why honestly ). real estate broker/personal trainer by day, cougarin' it up by night or whatever.
SHANNAN
an event planner from HOTLANTA baby, dropped her husband of 18 years, took a break, dated a 27 year old and realized cougar life was for her. respect.
STEFANY
born in peru, lived in LA since she 8, realtor, mom of 3, lookin for love
SOYOUNG
a surgical nurse hailing from the beautiful bayou of new orleans, she describes herself as the dominant one in relationships with a taste for men in their 20s.
APRIL
an insurance rep from detroit, been divorced for 4 years but its kinda married to her job. will she let loose????????
POLA
mexican native, living in miami where she runs a gym with her family. shes been single for nine(!) years and is ready to get back in the game, baby. (
CHARLENE
another LA transplant, this time from new jersey. has a job in hospitality and recently got out of a toxic marriage.
(the other)APRIL
continuing the heavy LA representation april used to be in heavy metal music videos (no i havent looked any up, maybe later) and is a personal trainer now. the tearjerker of the bunch, she was engaged last year but her fiance passed away.
and now... the
JOEY
a bartender in orange county whos studying to get into real estate. lookin for an older woman to help move on from the one serious relationship hes ever had. probably not the healthiest place to do that in, but you know what brother? fuck it, we ball.
RYAN
another atlanta native working on his personal music career. no i dont have the soundcloud. maybe i can find it. on the to do list.
BILLY
another real estate hopeful from LA (starting to think theres a lot of money in this house selling business. probably bad. who can say. i dont know. off topic. anway...). softspoken, but charming. also apparently packing.
JOSE
huh, he lives in miami and works at a gym that his family... owns? that sounds... familiar.... w-wait a minute. WAIT! actually, you know what probably nothing to this. very handsome dude this one, he also works as a mexican television host as he's fluent in both spanish and english.
JIMMY
another LA resident, he served in the army for 4 years. that sucks! now he's a model and an actor. that sucks a lot less! homeboy's tinder profile is set to age 65 so he knows what he's lookin for lmao
RICKY
one of our finest boys in blue, and i dont fuckin mean a cop, ricky works a much more valiant job for the US postal service in detroit. huh, thats weird... another son from... from the same city as one of the moms... what gives???
HARRISON
college football boy from LA (got a lot of cougars and milf hunters over there huh? i guess it makes sense) got dreams of hitting it big in the NFL and hitting it big with an MILF if you know what i mean. also a former, ahem, "male entertainer." homies gonna bust it down jimmy t body rock wario ware style no doubt.
GABRIEL
yo i like this dude but goddamn does he dress a bit like a third rate mid 00s magician (google criss angel. or dont. up to you. i dont really recommend it). dudes a singer in a band with his twin brother and dad that regularly preforms on sunset blvd. thats pretty cool. love a family music project. kinda like noted party rockers LMFAO being uncle and nephew.
a bartender in orange county whos studying to get into real estate. lookin for an older woman to help move on from the one serious relationship hes ever had. probably not the healthiest place to do that in, but you know what brother? fuck it, we ball.
RYAN
another atlanta native working on his personal music career. no i dont have the soundcloud. maybe i can find it. on the to do list.
BILLY
another real estate hopeful from LA (starting to think theres a lot of money in this house selling business. probably bad. who can say. i dont know. off topic. anway...). softspoken, but charming. also apparently packing.
JOSE
huh, he lives in miami and works at a gym that his family... owns? that sounds... familiar.... w-wait a minute. WAIT! actually, you know what probably nothing to this. very handsome dude this one, he also works as a mexican television host as he's fluent in both spanish and english.
JIMMY
another LA resident, he served in the army for 4 years. that sucks! now he's a model and an actor. that sucks a lot less! homeboy's tinder profile is set to age 65 so he knows what he's lookin for lmao
RICKY
one of our finest boys in blue, and i dont fuckin mean a cop, ricky works a much more valiant job for the US postal service in detroit. huh, thats weird... another son from... from the same city as one of the moms... what gives???
HARRISON
college football boy from LA (got a lot of cougars and milf hunters over there huh? i guess it makes sense) got dreams of hitting it big in the NFL and hitting it big with an MILF if you know what i mean. also a former, ahem, "male entertainer." homies gonna bust it down jimmy t body rock wario ware style no doubt.
GABRIEL
yo i like this dude but goddamn does he dress a bit like a third rate mid 00s magician (google criss angel. or dont. up to you. i dont really recommend it). dudes a singer in a band with his twin brother and dad that regularly preforms on sunset blvd. thats pretty cool. love a family music project. kinda like noted party rockers LMFAO being uncle and nephew.
Episode 1: MILF Said Knock You Out (1/15/2023)
this episode reveals the TWIST which i hinted at in some of the boys' bios above. i made it kinda obvious, probably. if it didnt click youll know within the first like, 10 minutes of the episode. they play an unhinged game after finding out. a light appetizer for what comes next.
Episode 2: Your MILF Should know (1/22/2023)
things start tumbling down hill at an alarming rate in this episode. one of the contestants has a real existential crisis moment on main. i absolutely do not envy 'em.
Episode 3: Your MILF Dont Dance (1/29/2023)
who the fuck knows whats gonna happen in this, but i'm ready.
oh i guess all those names are takes on song titles. specifically titles with some variation of mom (mama, mother, etc) in the title. you cheeky bastards, i didnt even notice that until now!!!
so.... what say you famiboards. will you take my hand and join me on this depraved journey? im here for you. lets face this cold future together.