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Discussion What's more important surgery or a show?

EddyZacianLand

EddyZacianLand

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I am in a situation right now
I have a surgery on the 22nd February and my brother, who is a graphics designer, has a show on the 19th February.

I am autistic and don't cope well in hospitals on my own but despite that my Mum is choosing to go to my brother's show instead of my surgery.

Hospital rules states that you have to isolate for 3 days before you go in, so going to that show means that she can't be with me at any point during my stay at the hospital which will be a week.

So I have 2 options either delay the surgery or go on my own, delaying it means I could possibly have another episode of pain before I go in.

Am I wrong for thinking that my Mum is selfish that she's picking my brother's show over my surgery?

Keep in mind she has put me first all the time before this, thus is the first time she isn't.
Edit: the day I would need my Mum is the day of the actual surgery, I think I would be fine the other days but not the day of.
 
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I'm a bit confused with the timeline. Your surgery is on the 22nd but your hospital stay will be a week long, but the isolation period is three days. The 22nd is three days after the 19th. Couldn't she come in once the three days pass? Or does you stay start before then?
 
GamerJM said:
I'm a bit confused with the timeline. Your surgery is on the 22nd but your hospital stay will be a week long, but the isolation period is three days. The 22nd is three days after the 19th. Couldn't she come in once the three days pass? Or does you stay start before then?
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She would have to isolate on the 19th because that's when the period starts.
 
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EddyZacianLand said:
No because she would need to have a proper covid swab test, which would happen 3 days before and then we both would have to isolate.
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I just don't understand the need for you to both isolate together at the same time / simultaneously I guess. Logic would dictate she could do exactly what is required isolation / test wise but just be a day behind you. Which would suck because of missing the surgery day but would seem a good compromise if she can be there all week afterwards
 
Mr_F_Snowman said:
I just don't understand the need for you to both isolate together at the same time / simultaneously I guess. Logic would dictate she could do exactly what is required isolation / test wise but just be a day behind you. Which would suck because of missing the surgery day but would seem a good compromise if she can be there all week afterwards
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The hospital wouldn't allow because she wouldn't have had the covid swab
 
EddyZacianLand said:
The hospital wouldn't allow because she wouldn't have had the covid swab
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Why can't she do the testing the day after you do yours? Maybe I don't understand the rules correctly or they are weird where you live but it seems like a strange limitation. Like, you can get PCR tests booked in or done at home pretty easy here (UK), if you are in America surely it is the same there?
 
Mr_F_Snowman said:
Why can't she do the testing the day after you do yours? Maybe I don't understand the rules correctly or they are weird where you live but it seems like a strange limitation. Like, you can get PCR tests booked in or done at home pretty easy here (UK), if you are in America surely it is the same there?
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I am in the UK but the instructions we have been given that it has to be at the same appointment as mine, so done at the same time, plus my mum would be driving me to the hospital too and I don't think the hospital would want my Mum to be driving during the isolation period.
 
EddyZacianLand said:
I am in the UK but the instructions we have been given that it has to be at the same appointment as mine, so done at the same time, plus my mum would be driving me to the hospital too and I don't think the hospital would want my Mum to be driving during the isolation period.
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Yeh none of that sounds right. There is no reason why your mother cannot get the test done a day later and then isolate and simply come in - the rules aren't even that strict if you qualify for visitation - I know a doctor working in Sheffield and he said only a negative lateral flow test is on the day of visiting is required so I think maybe the info you have been given is not correct

I'd call the hospital and speak to someone
 
Mr_F_Snowman said:
Yeh none of that sounds right. There is no reason why your mother cannot get the test done a day later and then isolate and simply come in - the rules aren't even that strict if you qualify for visitation - I know a doctor working in Sheffield and he said only a negative lateral flow test is on the day of visiting is required so I think maybe the info you have been given is not correct

I'd call the hospital and speak to someone
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All of this is besides the point bc I would need her on the day of the surgery, that's the day I need her the most, I can get quite anxious after waking up from general anesthesia, and my Mum would be able to calm me down.
If I can get through the day of surgery without my Mum then the rest of the days will be fine, but again I need her on the day of the surgery.
 
EddyZacianLand said:
All of this is besides the point bc I would need her on the day of the surgery, that's the day I need her the most, I can get quite anxious after waking up from general anesthesia, and my Mum would be able to calm me down.
If I can get through the day of surgery without my Mum then the rest of the days will be fine, but again I need her on the day of the surgery.
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Yeh sure that makes sense. Is there another person you could ask to be there? A close friend maybe? But as I said - she should only need a negative lateral flow on the day she visits. She she should be allowed there on the 19th no problem
 
EddyZacianLand said:
But isn't surgery more important than a show?
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Well I assume it was more complicated / nuanced than that. Like is it a routine surgery / how many times has your mother accompanied you before / has she missed other things to do with your brother in order to go with you previously / how important is this show to your brother etc etc. Presumably she is trying to do her best by you but also make sure your brother does not feel ignored or bypassed in his own life and thus this one time she decided to put him first? I dunno, life is complicated so we have to be mindful of that when it comes to family and not everything is black and white
 
Mr_F_Snowman said:
Well I assume it was more complicated / nuanced than that. Like is it a routine surgery / how many times has your mother accompanied you before / has she missed other things to do with your brother in order to go with you previously / how important is this show to your brother etc etc. Presumably she is trying to do her best by you but also make sure your brother does not feel ignored or bypassed in his own life and thus this one time she decided to put him first? I dunno, life is complicated so we have to be mindful of that when it comes to family and not everything is black and white
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I have never been to a surgery before on my own and this isn't routine.
 
Dude, I think you will be okay.
Regardless of your Mom, it's just a surgery, and your mom's presence won't really change the status of the surgery.

I think, with how I think this dynamic plays out, your brother has accomplished something really great. Like having a show as a graphic designer, is a big deal. You could say it's "just a show", but in reality its a culmination of all of your brother's efforts.

Of course, we don't know the full story, but it really seems like perhaps you get a lot of your mom's attention vs. your brother. So perhaps think about that, I could be way off base here. But I think supporting your brother in his endeavors is something that is really great.
 
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I don't think saying "It's just a surgery" helps. Like at all.

If you'd delay the surgery, how many weeks are we talking about? How urgent is it? Will you be fine for a month or more?

It's a tough situation, but it's apparent you really want her with you. On the one hand it might be helpful to learn to deal with it by yourself, but it seems you aren't yet ready for that and it might only cause you unnecessary stress pre-surgery. It seems she wouldn't be able to visit you because of COVID restrictions? So she'd have to isolate with you, right?
 
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I am autistic too, but it is way easier to have a support person for procedures. So like a parent, a family member, or a trusted friend etc. I like it because then the doctor or surgeon can just explain what they found and done to that person instead of me doped up on drugs.
 
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