Film Spooky September and Shocking October |ST| Crawl Into a Crypt of Creepiness: A Cinematic Survey and Scare-a-thon

[Phosphorescent Skeleton]

Hellraiser (1987) [dir. Clive Barker]

This a big blindspot for me. Always seemed a little, I don't know, british and goth. I mean look at Pinhead. He looks like an idiot!

Horror or Borror: 10/10
Okay this movie rocked and pumped, spilled, thrilled, and killed. And the thing to know is the Cenobites are idiot losers and fuckups, especially Pinhead. Easily outwitted, can't keep track of people they're supposed to have under their thrall. But its good, the monster here is Uncle Frank. Its really and seriously gross and disturbing in the best way. Is it scary? Yes! Is it boring? Not for a second! Roger Ebert wrote this movie had no imagination, but its constantly showing new cool shit. Fuck you Ebert! What a hack!


24 Dimensions of Fear: 10/10
This is a movie about sex. And usually sex is cool and fun, but did you know its complicated and can be unhealthy and harmful? Listen there's some subtext/text here that probably falls outside of what I feel comfortable discussing here, but in addition to being a gnarly gore fest, its a smart movie.

All the Colors of the Dark: 10/10
The wettest movie ever made! All sweaty fear, wet horny sweat, fetid rot, dripping blood. The practical effects are some of the best of the era. And Barker is constantly doing something good with the old camera. I'm drunk.

The Chimes at Midnight: 5/10
This movie has music I guess. Coulda fooled me!

Kill! Kill! Kill!: 10/10
Insanely violent and gory. Flesh is ripped, heads hammered, skin stabbed. The dead kill, the living die, the living kill, and the dead die. Wow.

The Ghoulie Factor: 10/10
Pinhead and pals, what can you say. Butterball. Girl with an "interesting" neck. Teeth guy. They don't seem so bad. Just bad at their jobs, and we can all relate to that. Imagine them playing on a softball team against like, the universal monsters. Probably Uncle Frank would join the team to fill things out. Yeag, that would be nice. Fresh mown grass, blue sky, a cool breeze, nothing says spring like baseball

Overall: 55/60

Verdict: Never marry a British.

 

[Clov]

Hellraiser (1987)

Dril's big screen debut


Horror or Borror: 10/10. Way creepier than I thought it would be! There's all sorts of bizarre and disturbing imagery here, from the iconic Cenobites, to a guy without skin, to some kind of fucked up phallic creature that's never really explained. It all adds to the great atmosphere of people tampering with forces beyond their imagination, with consequences they couldn't begin to comprehend.

24 Dimensions of Fear: 10/10. There's some really, REALLY dark stuff in this film between Kirsty and her uncle Frank which I honestly don't want to get into. But it's effective, and it's horrifying. It's a film about unhealthy sexual ideas, ones that took root in Frank and led to his destruction (twice over). It's about how abusers manipulate others and will do anything to get their way. It's also about BDSM demons.

All the Colors of the Dark: 10/10. This movie is NASTY. The few people in this movie that aren't constantly sweating bullets are either dripping blood or a Cenobite. The effects work here is AMAZING. Frank's initial revival in the physical realm is a stand-out scene, his heart and flesh and bones slowly coming together, his brain foaming up out of the ether... wow! Clive Barker good director???

The Chimes at Midnight: 5/10. Yeag it's okay I guess

Kill! Kill! Kill!: 10/10. This is some of the nastiest stuff I've seen. Seeing Julia kill some guy with a claw hammer was nasty enough, and so was seeing Frank just drain the blood out of some people, but seeing hooks sink into Frank's flesh and literally tear him apart! That was BRUTAL! Great stuff.

The Ghoulie Factor: 10/10. The Cenobites looks EXTREMELY cool. Pinhead's got pins in his head! Chatterer has big teeth! Butterball is Dril! The Girl has... something in her neck! They're very intimidating and speak with such authority, which is funny because they also kind of suck? They're all like, "Nobody escapes us!" and Kirsty's like, "uh. my uncle escaped you", and Pinhead's like "Uhhh, oh yeah???" Their authority is undermined almost immediately when they meet Kirsty, and they're defeated by just UNSOLVING the magic box. This just makes them better, TBH.

Overall: 55/60

Verdict: Ebert hated this movie because he was fucking STUPID

 

[Ramune]

Hellraiser is so good! When I think about it I think lurid, soapy, horny, splattery. The first sequel is pretty crazy and it sees Julia embrace a level of camp that is frankly lethal. It’s good stuff! 3 and 4 are funny for the video store junk they are, but they lose something. People are like “oh it’s a series about dark proclivities and excessive gore and the hubris of wanting to know and see too much.” Um no, the first two movies are very clear that this is first and foremost about being a diva locked in a bloody battle with another diva. Once Kirsty and Julia are out of the equation everyone is just meat for the sex grinder.

I have the reboot lined up for this month and I’m so scared because I think the director is kind of boring and everything I saw looked a little too clean. I don’t think the level of grot required is easy to replicate.

 

[Phosphorescent Skeleton]

Hellbound: Hellraiser II (1988) [dir. Tony Randel]

They call me Doctor Worm
Good morning, how are you? I'm Doctor Worm
I'm interested in things

Horror or Borror: 7/10
The first 50 minutes are a dull retread and summary of the first movie, with a couple of striking moments (man torturing himself, the famous via meme "I'm in hell"), but the back 50 set in hell is surreal nightmare dream logic and imagery. Vague gods, stop motion worms, howling voids, Escher corridors, endlessly inventive and strange, disgusting and exhilarating. Also, once again, Pinhead is a huge idiot and he fucks up real bad. Two movies in and its wild how much of a minor factor the cenobites are.

24 Dimensions of Fear: ????? 5/10 I guess?
The first movie was clear in its subtext, nasty and complicated and compelling. This movie sure feels like its about something the same way a dream does, the way a Lucio Fulci movie does. Just vibe with it.

All the Colors of the Dark: 8/10
This movie lacks the surprisingly good directorial touch of Clive Bark, turning to Tony Randel of Hollywood Fist of the North Star fame (it exists, look it up). And while there's nothing showy here, the visuals are insanely good, the effects matching and exceeding the first movie. I keep hammering this point, but the portions in Hell are must see. Stop motion worms people!

The Chimes at Midnight: 5/10
Has music, nothing amazing, nothing annoying. Functional.

Kill! Kill! Kill!: 10/10
Absurdly violent. The sceneen with the man slicing himself in bed is nightmarish, Dr. Channard fucks people up with his hand worms, a womans entire skin is degloved. Maybe slightly less brutal than the first one, but no slouch.

The Ghoulie Factor: 10/10
Old Dr. Worm show up and is immediately more competent than any existing Cenobite. Pinhead and the gang are constantly being owned by their inability to not negotiate. But they're still rock solid ghoulies even if they kind of just stand around.

Overall: 45/60

Verdict: If your evil step mother gets revived by an evil doctor, you should just get outta there, girlie! Hit the bricks, sister! Make tracks, stupid!

 

[Clov]

Hellbound: Hellraiser II (1988)

????

Horror or Borror: 7/10. The first half of this movie is extremely boring. It's like if you took the original Hellraiser film and played it at half-speed. Dull and droll. Then everything, quite literally, goes to hell. Hell is some kind of stone labyrinth ruled over by some diamond shaped god. An evil doctor gets turned into a Cenobite with a face decorated with serrated wire and a massive phallus connected to his brain. The imagery is bizarre and unsettling; the movie runs on nightmare half-logic. It's like the first half is a 0 (pure borror) while the second half is a 10 (pure horror), and of course, that's gotta average out to a 7. Moving on!

24 Dimensions of Fear: ...5...?/10. So, this movie is about things. I'm certain of it. There's some STUFF going on in this movie. There's, you know, the evil doctor, whatever's going on with Julia's character? Pinhead realizing his own inner goodness? Yep, there's something going on here. I just don't know what! Nothing in this movie really meshes together thematically. There's a bit of that stuff from the first movie, where desperately seeking unhealthy ideas would lead to ones Cenobite-delivered undoing... except that doesn't really happen to Dr. Channard, he just gets what he wants, and dies because he's stupid and gets his scalpel tentacles stuck in the ground. It's a real mess in this aisle.

All the Colors of the Dark: 8/10. Hell is the real highlight of this film, looking like an MC Escher style maze. Truly bizarre stuff that needs to be seen to be believed. There's some GREAT stop motion tentacle effects. The Cenobites STILL look great! It's too bad that the parts outside of hell don't look that great. Not bad, but just okay. Clive Barker didn't direct this one, and though he wasn't a film director first and foremost, you really notice the lack of his touch in the way this film is shot.

The Chimes at Midnight: 5/10. It's okay I guess. Nothing much to say here.

Kill! Kill! Kill!: 10/10. People drained of their blood, sucked out of their skin, hearts torn out! A guy's head gets torn in half! This is just as nasty as its predecessor. Gotta give a shout-out to the really nasty Pinhead origin scene at the beginning of the film!

The Ghoulie Factor: 10/10. The Cenobites are all back and looking exactly as good as before, though they're now joined by Dr. Channard, who becomes a bizarrely powerful Cenobite. Channard seems to really kickstart the "Freddy-facation" of the franchise, with his goofy one-liners. He also shares a common weakness with them all; stupidity. Seriously, Pinhead comes across as a COMPLETE chump in this. After his pathetic showing in the original, he doesn't come across much better here. Love when he's like, "No more deals!", determined to torture Kirsty, and then she's like, "okay, but look at this", showing him a photo that turns him good. So easily swayed! And then he gets killed by Channard a moment later! What a loser!

Overall: 45/60

Verdict: With how weird and experimental this one was, that can only bode well for the third movie, right?

 

[Phosphorescent Skeleton]

Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth (1992) [dir. Anthony Hickox

Cenobite seized within the throes
To be released from the Pillar of Souls
Dragged from the dark, my love extolled
Bring me the beast, my life gives blood

Horror or Borror: 2/10
This is so fucking dull when Pinhead and pals aren't around. This is the Nightmare in Elm Steet Part 2 of the series, but instead of making it gay they made it straight. Also Pinhead is Freddy now. Whenever he's on screen the movie rules, but the parts without him are incredibly bad. Feels 7 hours long.

24 Dimensions of Fear: 2/10
Basically the same subtext as the first one, but there you can feel that Barker has a dark fascination with transgressive sexuality and find some of the torture and pleasure/pain stuff sexy. Here it just feels boring, cut and dry, and as said above, hetero.

All the Colors of the Dark: 5/10
The effects are still excellent, and now more silly. Just a parade of great practical sfx and great early 90s cg. But the direction and edititing is so flat. Just looks generic.

The Chimes at Midnight: 1/10
Soundtrack is mostly just functional, but there's some nightclub scenes with some truly ass hair band bullshit music.

Kill! Kill! Kill!: 10/10
People get ripped to shreads by chains, sliced by cds, morphed, mind twisted, camera stabbed...wow, a youtube compilation of the kills here would be the best horror movie released this year!

The Ghoulie Factor: 10/10
We must mourn the loss of butterball, teethman, and the amazing yonic necked woman. But there should be an international holiday to celebrate CD Cenobite, Camerahead, Cocktail Killer, and of course Smoking Yonic Neck Woman. The original cenobites were weird and disturbing, here they're silly themed killers. I have room enough in my heart for both.

Overall: 30/60

Verdict: This inspired the great Sufjan Stevens song Pillar of Souls, so ultimately it made the world a better place.

 

[Clov]

Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth (1992)

HELLRAISER GOT NORMAL


Horror or Borror: 2/10. WAY worse than even the second film in this regard, this is like 90% committed to giving us absolutely NOTHING. Thankfully everytime Pinhead is on screen the movie becomes extremely fun! But it's just not ENOUGH. The first two Hellraiser films had this weird, hazy, nasty and sweaty feel to them. This feels like it could be literally ANY other horror film. Boring as hell. Talked with Phos a lot about this, and we both agree; this is the Hellraiser for straight people.

24 Dimensions of Fear: 2/10. It's a lot of the same basic ideas as the original Hellraiser, but done way worse. Like, sure, it's more clear what it's about compared to Hellraiser II, but you know what? That's not a point in its favor!

All the Colors of the Dark: 5/10. There's a lot of cool stuff! A really funky Pinhead pillar! Some very cool makeup for the new Cenobites! Some nasty practical gore! ...but the editing and direction is so amateurish. Like those sudden and poorly inserted Vietnam War parts. It feels like a cheap TV production. I'd rather watch Freddy's Nightmares!

The Chimes at Midnight: 1/10. The moment the band at the Boiler Room club started playing, its fate was sealed.

Kill! Kill! Kill!: 10/10. Here's where the movie rules! A guy explodes from chains pulling him apart! A woman has all her skin eaten off at once and then is eaten herself! Several people get killed by high velocity CDs, courtesy of Pinhead's sentai team of NEW Cenobites! Speaking of which...

The Ghoulie Factor: 10/10.

CD CENOBITE! CD CENOBITE! CD CENOBITE!

Overall: 30/60

Verdict: They call him Pinhead for the first time in this movie, and it's because he looks like a fucking idiot

 

[Ramune]

I feel like the opening hour of Hellbound is pretty fun in an extremely late '80s way. Julia getting her blood all over that Armani suit in her fancy new digs is such a fun shift after they were living in some north London shithole last time (I can confirm that housing here is pretty bad, my place is maybe not as nice as theirs was and let me tell you all the blood is hell on the vintage rotten wood!). One of the best horror baddies. Diva down.

With how weird and experimental this one was, that can only bode well for the third movie, right?

"WE HAVE SUCH SHITE TO SHOW YOU." If you like video store garbage from the early '90s and/or horror being fed into the Freddyfication American franchise machine then it's not the worst thing in the world! It has Lemmy singing over the credits, and I appreciate that the series goes to progressively more nightmarish places - Britain, Hell, America, space.

Very stupid and hilarious that the series also goes from "if you play with this box or mess with zombie stepmothers you're gonna get it" to "if you are in the wrong place at the wrong time your drink is gonna freeze and stab you in the face."

The big "UH OH" moment at the end of 3 is pretty good (and pretty stupid). Anyway, Hellraiser 4 is an Alan Smithee film!

 

[Phosphorescent Skeleton]

"WE HAVE SUCH SHITE TO SHOW YOU." If you like video store garbage from the early '90s and/or horror being fed into the Freddyfication American franchise machine then it's not the worst thing in the world! It has Lemmy singing over the credits, and I appreciate that the series goes to progressively more nightmarish places - Britain, Hell, America, space.

Very stupid and hilarious that the series also goes from "if you play with this box or mess with zombie stepmothers you're gonna get it" to "if you are in the wrong place at the wrong time your drink is gonna freeze and stab you in the face."

The big "UH OH" moment at the end of 3 is pretty good (and pretty stupid). Anyway, Hellraiser 4 is an Alan Smithee film!

Three was awful yeag, we just watched it lol

 

[Phosphorescent Skeleton]

Hellraiser: Bloodlines (1996) [dir. Alan Smithee]

Hellraiser in space!? And they got a super famous director! This is gonna rule.

Horror or Borror: 0/10
Do you like lore? Do like when a movie is 80% flashbacks? Do you like space!? If your answers are yes, yes, not really, this is the movie for you! This is so goddamn boring. Not scary or goofy, just pofaced stupidity.

24 Dimensions of Fear: (-10/10)
This movie is only about Hellraiser lore. It sucks. Spiritually homophobic and literally transphobic. We are so far from Clive Barker's beautiful, transgressive, queer themed horror.

All the Colors of the Dark: (0/10)
All the flair and pop of a TV movie, cant believe this wasn't the first straight to video one. I'm so sick of seeing chains hook into people and it has never looked worse. The 90s fucking sucked. Space looks like one of the bad Resident Evil movies (any of them).

The Chimes at Midnight: (0/10)
Mostly annoying. Usually this is a freebie for at least 5 points, but this movie deserves no mercy.

Kill! Kill! Kill!: (0/10)
I am so fucking sick of Pinhead and his dumbass chains. He just stand around and they come out of nowhere to rip people up. You've seen it all before, now see it done bad.

The Ghoulie Factor: (0/10)
Pinhead is looking wellfed, too healthy. He's just some boring guy. All the weird amoral demon shit completely bled out of him. The new cenobites suck. Gone is all the weird fetish imagery. Its just like, 2 guys, dog, rave lady. And you can just like, shoot them and explode them. Who cares?

Overall: -10

Verdict: Sufjan Stevens should write a song about this one.

 

[Clov]

Hellraiser: Bloodline (1996)

What if you had ideas for 3 movies, but none of those ideas were very good, so you just put them all in the same movie? Turns out it would be really shitty

Horror or Borror: 0/10. Dull! Self-serious and extremely stupid. We bounce around 3 timelines and all them suck. Even the scenes with Pinhead suck here. He doesn't do anything new or exciting here. What sights they have to show you... but really, you've seen everything here before, only done way better in the last ones. The scariest part of this film is the shitty transphobic joke they included.

24 Dimensions of Fear: -10/10. This film is about NOTHING. So much of what made Hellraiser cool was how little of it was explained. Then they started to get into a little bit of lore with the second film, and already its flavor began getting diluted. 3 really opened the floodgates, and this here is the flood. Boring, stupid explanations for things that never needed to be explained. I guess it's about... bloodlines, or taking on the sins of your ancestors of something? Who gives a fuck? This absolutely pales in comparison to the first two; the sexual undercurrent that was VITAL to the original has been completely and absolutely neutered here. 3 was where Hellraiser got normal, 4 is where it became sterile garbage. And like I mentioned, the weird transphobia didn't help. Fuck off!

All the Colors of the Dark: 0/10. This was the last Hellraiser released in theaters (before the reboot's limited theatrical release, IIRC)... but if you told me it was direct to video or a TV movie, I would have believed you! Looks like cheap trash, and feels like it too! I shouldn't be surprised, seeing as this is an... Alan Smithee film. Welp.

The Chimes at Midnight: 0/10. There's some cheesy techno towards the end... I think? Maybe it was just background noise. Anyway, no mercy.

Kill! Kill! Kill!: 0/10. Boring! I'm tired of seeing people pulled apart by hooks! Freddy and Jason at least innovate. Pinhead goes back to these goddamn hooks time and time again. He says some nonsense, then they come out of the wall or something and tear someone apart. And it looks WORSE here! The one kill that seems like it would be creative is mostly NOT shown in all its nasty glory, a complete cop-out. I don't care if they blow up Pinhead in a lament configuration shaped ship. This is the coward's Hellraiser!

The Ghoulie Factor: 0/10. Sure, Pinhead's here, but his shtick is tired at this point. Though it started in Hellraiser III, Pinhead is no longer a force of hell bound by rules, who only comes for those who solve the puzzle box. Now he's just a worse version of Freddy. It's a boring direction for his character. The new Cenobites are unremarkable compared to the total weirdos in 3. What if a guy was two guys...? That's boring! What if a guy had CDs stuck all over his head and he threw the CDs to kill people??? Now THAT rules, but too bad CD Cenobite isn't in this trash at all!

Overall: -10/60

Verdict: More like SMELLraiser CHUDline

 

[Ramune]

Me every time that box goes into a new configuration or flies across the room or zaps someone or doesn't work or does work and it sends Pinhead away or it doesn't because who knows how any of this works at this point:



I like in 4 when Not Natascha McElhone (Kim Myers from Elm Street 2!) is yelling "you go play with your dog you bastard!!!" at Pinhead and she's wearing mom jeans (because she's a mom, this is very good costuming). Otherwise all I remember about this one is Cenobite dog, Lament Configuration Spaceship, and Twin Cenobite Sandwich.

I haven't seen the rest but I have a lot of capacity for shit so I'd like to!

We have such Yeah!s to show you.

(Editing to add that that poor robot solving the box is cracking me up. Leave the robot out of this, Alan Smithee!)

 

[Ramune]

Anthony Hickox, director of Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth, has died.

Thank you for your service (giving us Pinhead's face poking out from the Pillar of Souls, sucking up skinless unfortunates and spitting out bullets). I saw Hellraiser III as a teenage horror fanatic who loved anything and everything, so it'll always have a place in my heart no matter how much I joke about it.

 

[Clov]

Anthony Hickox, director of Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth, has died.

Thank you for your service (giving us Pinhead's face poking out from the Pillar of Souls, sucking up skinless unfortunates and spitting out bullets). I saw Hellraiser III as a teenage horror fanatic who loved anything and everything, so it'll always have a place in my heart no matter how much I joke about it.

RIP. I may have been harsh on his film, but there was still fun to be had with it.

 

[Phosphorescent Skeleton]

The Bride of Frankenstein (1935) [Dir. James Whale]

This movie has "subtext".

Horror or Borror: 10/10
Not a single flase note in the film, just sings along. Maybe the best sequel ever made? Its not scary now, but the Monster is much more brutal this time around when he first wakes from his almost death. More importantly, this is one of the first horror comedies that has feet firmly planted in both genres. Filled with moments that are still funny, genuine pathos (the monsters desire for peace and a friend), and plenty of gothic spookiness played straight. But thats maybe the only straight thing about the movie.

24 Dimensions of Fear: 10/10
This is a movie about how compulsory heterosexuality just doesn't work. The Monster is happiest with the blind man in the woods, the first person to ever show him love, until a bunch of ignorant hunters show up to break up their happy home. Dr. Frankenstein is haunted by the ur-text of cinematic camp, Dr. Pretorius, who is naturally skeptical of his former lover giving up science to get married. Frankenstein's bride is similarly instantly repulsed by the masculine monster, screeching like a bird. The monster realizes its hopeless for people like him, Pretorius, and the bride, memorably brooding "We belong dead". Perhaps a point of pessimism for the backwards 30s from the gay director and mostly gay cast. The ending is supposedly happy for the doctor, but in the end he just looks broken and tired.

All the Colors of the Dark: 10/10
If the first Frankenstein invented Hollywood gothic style, with its canted angles, long, deep shadows, and Calagari-lite sets, this movie prefects it. More fog, more towering stony castles, more crypts filled with skull and cobweb, more dark nights of rain and thunder. And the effects work is truly pioneering. Karloff's makeup is great, and the bride is just as iconic. And the scene of Pretorius showing off is tiny people still looks amazing.

The Chimes at Midnight: 10/10
Does this movie sound like every gothic horror movie to come after it? Sure, but they invented it! And more importantly, unlike the first film, this is scored throughout. Comparing the two side by side is a great demonstration of how music can work with and enhance the visuals and establish and maintain a sense of movement and pacing. Top violin scene here too.

Kill! Kill! Kill!: 10/10
Starts with the monster drowning a man and then throwing a woman down a pit. Still feels brutal! And then at the end he explodes everyone while delivering one of horror cinema's greatest lines. "We belong dead", ain't that what this is all about?

The Ghoulie Factor: 10/10
You got the Monster and the Bride and spooky tall older gay man. These are monsters, as a society, we need more of.

Overall: 60/60

Verdict: I strive to embody the same energy and joie de vivre of Dr. Pretorius everyday of my life.

 

[Clov]

Bride of Frankenstein (1935)

"Smoke... good...!" - An actual quote from the movie

Horror or Borror: 10/10. Much like the first Frankenstein, this wasn't scary to me, but I could see WHY audiences at the time would have been terrified; this is an extremely homosexual movie, and few things are as terrifying to the het masses of the 1930s as queers. Why, this might even still be effective horror today; after all, there's still plenty of people around that are scared of us. Some even go to this forum...!

24 Dimensions of Fear: 10/10. The monster desires a mate! But what he really wants is a friend, who will love and understand him. Everyone thinks of him as a hideous beast, despite the fact that he can think, feel, talk and express himself... and then he finally finds his friend, an old blind man who also has been wanting a friend of his own. He cannot see the monster, and does not judge him, and for a time the two live together in true happiness. But this is brought to an abrupt end once their home is intruded on by people looking for the creature; they tear them away from each other, and so ends the creature's only happy and fulfilling relationship. From here, he decides to go along with a plan to have his creator make him a bride, a woman like him who will understand him... but she rejects him as well.

It's not surprising that the monster's sole positive relationship is with another man, that society intrudes upon them and tragically forces them apart. It's also not a surprise that the bride rejects him, after how much he expected her to love him. This is a movie primarily concerned with how society treats outsiders (through thinly veiled homosexual subtext), about how forcing ones self to conform will end in failure. It's about the misery that a society that enforces compulsory heterosexuality brings upon others. This isn't even mentioning Dr. Pretorius, Frankenstein's former "teacher", who much like Frankenstein in the first film, desires to create life. But specifically, he wants to create life WITH his former partner.

In the end, the creature blows up himself, Pretorius, and his bride, saying, "We belong dead." A depressing ending and implication from the queer director who created the film, but it's not how things shook out in reality, is it? We don't belong dead; we thrived underground, and despite the best efforts of others, we can be out and proud as ourselves. The thematic depth of this film is an interesting way on looking back on another time and place for queer people.

All the Colors of the Dark: 10/10. Much like the first film, we have a lot of great looking locations; castle laboratories, creepy crypts, decadent mansions... it all looks fantastic. The lightning is atmospheric, the lab being a highlight once again, but the crypt might be my favorite location of all. Just seeing Dr Pretorius drinking wine by candlelight, laughing by himself at a skull... an image both beautiful AND necessary.

The Chimes at Midnight: 10/10. A HUGE improvement over the original film. Why? Because it actually HAS music throughout! Gone are the long silences of the 1931 film, and in we are with music that makes the film feel like it's paced properly! It really shows you how much a good score can add!

Kill! Kill! Kill!: 10/10. Guy gets drowned, a woman gets thrown down a pit and lands on her head, people are throttled! And when that castle at the end explodes... WOW does it explode!

The Ghoulie Factor: 10/10. You have the Frankenstein, one of the classic Halloween ghoulies. You have the bride, who despite barely being in the film, has become an iconic Halloween creature in her own right! And then you have Dr. Pretorius and his menagerie of tiny people in jars that he "grew from seed". Chilling!

Overall: 60/60

Verdict: The jury has spoken! Heterosexuality; it simply doesn't work!

 

[Phosphorescent Skeleton]

House (1977) [dir. Nobuhiko Obayshi]

One of the best movies from my favorite directors. Opened up doors of possibilities to me, of what cinema is and can be. Please don't call is Hausu.

Horror or Borror: 10/10
I think this movie would have scared me as a child, but also I don't think its supposed to really be scary in the traditional sense. Its horror as fantasy, as experimental film, as comedy, as allegory. And in that regards it succeeds beautifully. I've seen House like 10 times, and there's always a new image or idea to discover. It feels like the cinematic equivalent of exploring a strange old house, and it feels like I still have rooms and corners left to find.

24 Dimensions of Fear: 10/10
House is often damned with the faint praise of being a "wtf classic", even the official Criterion release is extremely dismissive of the film and its director. And while the movie is wacky (a man getting a bucket stuck on his butt is a major plot point) the film is thematically very rich. Like many of Obayashi's films House concerns itself with the lingering wounds of WWII. The monsterous aunt of the film lost her love to the war and visits her trauma on the new generation. The new generation seem incapable of grasping what the war was. During a flashback, they comment that men marching miserably to their death look so manly, and over footage of mushroom clouds, they say it looks like cotton candy. Obayashi seems to be telling us that the war, the scars left by imperial fascism are still hear like ghouls devouring us, devouring the young, and they can't even see it happening right in front of them. The aunt is a victim of war trauma and visits that trauma on the young. Cycles of trauma, and the ending impiles its going to keep going. I feel like I'm rambling, but its a lot to think about. There's also a deep mistrust of adults. At worst they eat you, and at best they're ineffectual saviors they get turned into a pile of bananas before they can even reach you. I could have focused this whole write up on how the film is about the roles society forces on women, particularly the idea of getting married. Its not that hard to understand!

All the Colors of the Dark: 10/10
This film is a glorious celebration of the artifice of film, the beauty of special effects and tricks and fakery. Insane matte paintings, jokes about matte paintings, jump cuts, shifting frame rate, stop motion, gleeful blue screen, models, gore effects, wire-fu, animation, insane camera angles, every color imaginable. Visually this is an art house/experimental film. The common sentiment on this movie used to be that the effects are bad, but I don't understand how you can watch this and not tell its on purpose. Much is made of the fact that Obayashi directed commericals, but it is more important to know that he started as an experimental film maker.

The Chimes at Midnight: 10/10
Godiego, they're just the coolest. The creepy piano motif that runs throughout this is, to me, one of the most iconic pieces of horror movie music. It also sounds like welcome to the black parade a little bit.


Kill! Kill! Kill!: 10/10
The deaths are so iconic. A girl gets beheaded and her head flies around bites butts and vomits blood. Another girl is eaten by a piano. A man is turned into banana's because he doesn't like water melons.

The Ghoulie Factor: 10/10
There's that flying butt biting girl head, a dancing skeleton, death piano: the piano that eats, the girl eating aunt. But most importantly there's a funny cat that is fluffy and does nothing wrong. It can turn into a painting and vomit blood. Kippy cat...

Overall: 60/60

Verdict: don't stop at House. Obayashi made countless classics. Check out Bound For the Hills, the Beachs, and the Fields, His Motor Bike Her Island, Poison D'Avril, and Bejing Watermelon if you want a taste of his range

 

[Clov]

House (1977)

Horror or Borror: 10/10. House is filled with bizarre and beautiful imagery, all delightfully playing with the artifice of cinema. Skeletons dance! Heads and limbs float around! An old witch opens her mouth while eating to reveal a human eye! A man gets turned into bananas! Even the (correct me if I'm wrong) inspiration for Mario 64's killer piano is here!

It's scares are delightful and a wonder to behold. But for as much fun as this movie is, it's not just shallow weirdness. It's what lies beneath the surface that makes House truly compelling.

24 Dimensions of Fear: 10/10. It's strange how dismissive people are of this movie for being weird. Even the official Criterion Collection release seems to regard the film, and the works of its director, as little more than nonsense. They couldn't be further from the truth, and it makes me wonder how much attention they bothered to pay to it. This is a film about how the old prey on the young, about the generational trauma that stemmed from the second world war. It's not even very subtle about this; there's a black and white montage part way through the film where you see the aunt's backstory, the girls riffing over the stark and deadly serious footage. None of them understand what they see, and so none of them are safe from the aunt devouring them one by one, even subsuming one entirely. The war may be long over, but it's effects on the world remain as scars that will never fade.

All the Colors of the Dark: 10/10. This movie is basically made for this category. Beautiful, beautiful images! Obayashi plays with intentionally hokey special effects to make something that's all at once very amusing, wonderful to look at, and occasionally disturbing!

Fun effects (especially the animated cut ins, and the part where the cat meows along to a song), great use of matte paintings, and perfectly lit, there's simply no way I could give this less than a 10.

The Chimes at Midnight: 10/10.

AS SURE AS CHERRIES WERE MADE FOR EATING
AND FISH WERE MADE TO SWIM IN THE SEA
YOU WERE MADE TO BE LOVED A LOT
BY NOBODY ELSE BUT ME!

Kill! Kill! Kill!: 10/10. Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful! Heads float out of wells to attack their former companions, a girl gets eaten by a chandelier, another is mercilessly attacked by futons and pillows. Every kill in this movie is weird and extremely memorable. The sheer creativity on display plus the fantastic visuals that accompany them make them a perfect treat.

The Ghoulie Factor: 10/10.

Overall: 60/60

Verdict: One of the finest horror films out there, but not the best work that Obayashi's done! I highly encourage everyone to seek out his other films; there's a LOT out there too!

 

[slide's]

truly one of the great movies . . . my partner and I watch it on Halloween most years and finally caught a theatrical screening last year! it was such a treat

and yes that scene on the train where they watch and describe and react to the strangely semi-diegetic old footage is incredible, one of my absolute favorite sequences in any movie