• Hey everyone, staff have documented a list of banned content and subject matter that we feel are not consistent with site values, and don't make sense to host discussion of on Famiboards. This list (and the relevant reasoning per item) is viewable here.
  • Do you have audio editing experience and want to help out with the Famiboards Discussion Club Podcast? If so, we're looking for help and would love to have you on the team! Just let us know in the Podcast Thread if you are interested!

Discussion How do you feel about being called Sir or Ma‘am (or other polite forms) by someone not much younger than you?

lexony

lexony

Kremling
Founder
Pronouns
He/Him
I‘m 28 and today some random person at a bus stop talked to me in the german polite form (Siezen) while I was answering him very casually as a reflex reaction. He maybe looked about early to mid 20s and kept talking in the polite form. I immediately felt super old. It already happened with kids which I get (As a kid every adult looks old), but never with grown ups.

I know that in english it might be a bit different depending on the context, but have you experienced similar cases like mine? I‘m also asking those who speak like me languages with actual polite forms.

Will this now be part of my life forever? Is this what growing up feels like? :O
 
Last edited:
As a (slightly older) fellow german speaker...

goblin-slayer-stressed.gif


It doesn't get better :'D
Same thing with no longer having to show your ID for buying alcohol or tickets for a 16+ movie xD
 
I hate it generally.

Like I'm cis male passing and get called sir a lot (especially by students who, in their fairness, are trying to be kind) but it rubs some weird "I don't feel like a sir" demiboy-esque dysphoria. And not all gendered language bothers me, but "sir" is one that does.

(Part of that is brought on myself since I go by Mr Last Name in the classroom and he/him in business interactions because I do not want to explain my complicated feelings about my gender)

Usually when it's someone older, the context is almost always when I'm ordering something and used to be much more common when I didn't regularly shave my beard. But, again, the thing above bothers me way more than perceived age.
 
0
Only been called sir once, and it was very uncomfortable but not because of the age gap - regardless i'm definitely not a sir looking person so i dont get it much haha (and australians dont really call anyone sir or ma'am that much)
 
0
Im American I live in the state of Ohio so Idk if its culture differences but I get called sir almost anytime im out in public if someone is trying to talk to me. I find it polite or even charming I like it no matter who says it.
 
Last edited:
i think the whole thing’s been fucked the whole time

I’ve always been a gender outlier but even when I “played the part” better I hated the phrases

age-vibe is like. whatever. we’re supposed to get old, dammit, I loathe the “desperate youth” culture of the US et al

but the implied tiers of authority, the sheer rigidity, the establishment of a keyphrase for reinforcing power imbalance at all levels… it’s trickle-down fascism, lmao
 
Fuffelpups said:
I hate it when some random person dropps the formal "Sie" word. As a nation we should let it behind us.
Click to expand...
Blame Duolingo for teaching these anglophones how to speak way too formally 😅

Onto my notes of "Speaking vs Conversing in German" it goes haha
 
0
Fuffelpups said:
I hate it when some random person dropps the formal "Sie" word. As a nation we should let it behind us.
Click to expand...
Yes! I am from Switzerland and here I use the polite form only when interacting with elderly or in specific situations, like when talking over phone in a business context. With everyone speaking dialect it feels somehow even more weird to use the formal "Sie". It‘s much easier in High German. Especially because in my swiss german dialect we say "Ihr" instead of "Sie" which some people get the wrong way.
 
I don’t think I’ve ever been sir’d by anyone in their 20s or older. I work with teenagers and I get “sir” sometimes, and while I don’t feel strongly about it either way, I generally try to not use my position to be an authority figure. I absolutely hate entering that mode talking to kids.
 
0
"Sir" kinda bugs me because it tends to feel like the term someone picks when they're trying to appear formal so they don't have to be friendly. It feels condescending, like cops calling people "sir" or "ma'am" when giving instructions as some form of false respect. I dunno if that makes sense.

I always think of the Men in Black scene where the cop keeps saying "Sir you can't do that! SIR!!" and K snaps back "Don't 'sir' me, young man."

Granted being from California I generally just use "dude," like "scuse me dude" is a very common thing to come out my mouth. So maybe I'm not a good example. 😅
 
hologram said:
It's common in the US no matter your age, but I definitely wouldn't call it cool. It's weirdly formal and I found it quite off-putting when I first moved here from Australia
Click to expand...
I consider it a sign of respect. Better than "pal" or "chief".

I will say sometimes when used to get your attention it can be a little condescending so I get that. "Yes sir" is better.
 
Depends on the situation. If it’s faux-polite, implying that somehow I’m being unreasonable while their actions are socially faultless because they are using a word of deference while being antagonistic, then I see through it. But if it’s just someone following a script at work who is gonna get yelled at if their supervisor catches them not doing it? Hey, whatever gets them through the day. I don’t mind whatever vague pleasantry the person serving me a coffee or selling me a train ticket or whatever calls me as long as it’s not an insult. I’ll take ‘sir’ or ‘dude’ or ‘bro’ or ‘mate’ or ‘pal’ or the local equivalent and reply in kind. Can’t stand use of any of them, be they technically deferential or friendly, by people being passive aggressive though. I’m not your ‘mate’ at that point.

In short, it’s the intent that matters to me. If it’s an all-purpose friendly politeness that’s genuine, fair enough.
 
Last edited:
I feel like I get "Boss" more than Sir these days. Either way it's kind of whatever... I just perceive it as them trying to address me in a friendly or respectful manner.
 
hologram said:
It's common in the US no matter your age, but I definitely wouldn't call it cool. It's weirdly formal and I found it quite off-putting when I first moved here from Australia
Click to expand...
Maybe I'm just more used to it, but it doesn't bother me at all. At work people will call other people 'sir' all the time regardless of if they're older or younger - it's almost used more casually, like as in "How's it going, sir?" "Thank you sir," etc. You could basically replace it with 'dude', 'man', or any other gendered form of address.

Which, to be fair, by itself is kind of a problem and we should probably do away with gendered forms of greeting altogether.
 
0
I think the context really matters here. I've had students and other young people call me "sir". I don't expect them to, but usually they are trying to be respectful when they use it so I can appreciate that. It can be used sarcastically, though, and obviously I don't like that.
 
In Spanish, or rather, here in northern Mexico, there're words for "young man" and "mister/sir". When kids start addressing you with sir more than young man, it's game over.

Conversely, young men rarely address each other with formalisms outside or work, don't think it's as common as it is in the English speaking world. The dynamic begins to change when you enter your thirties, from what I've seen.
 
No problem, frankly I'm not going to remember people's names or ages. So Sir or Miss or whatever will have to do. Not to mention the older people when I was young preferred to be called Sir etc by anyone young so eh.

People not calling me Sir wouldn't stop me walking towards being a decrepit old corpse one day at any rate.
 
0
I don't mind, even enjoy being sir'd. I'm an adult bloke about to enter his 30s, so I think it makes sense in my case. I'd be more weirded out getting hit with a "sir" at like, 19.
 
0
I work in the US with veterans in a position of perceived authority, so I'm called sir often, but not as often as I use it since it's mostly older folks I see. I'm in my mid 30s now, but still only get it outside of work once in a while, usually at my local teen-staffed ice cream shop.

I've never really liked being called sir, but I guess it's good to have a polite word for when you can't remember someone's name. It just kind of rubs me the wrong way when I hear it, probably for some of the faux polite, actually aggressive reasons noted above. Makes me trust a person less if they keep using it.
 
I feel like it's weird! Though I would say the only place I get it regularly is when I eat at a fancier restaurant, where I can only assume the staff are sort of forced to say it. As someone who has worn a suit five times or less in life, the formality always throws me for a loop.
 
I don’t really care being called that, personally. It doesn’t bother me. But when I’m on set I always say ‘sir and ma’am’ to the assistant directors, costumes, etc. and almost every single time I’m asked to please not say that. Not in a mean or volatile way or anything, they just prefer not to be called that haha So I have to completely retrain myself to try and remove it from my vocabulary in those situations, which is tough.
 
0
I have been fascinated by people's usage of "du" (informal) transitioning to "Sie" (formal) over the years when addressing me. I am not a huge fan of using it myself, but I kinda enjoy how people use it to actually "personalise" language. Such as the cashier using "du" casually and referring to me as a "young man" to make me feel young and pretty 🥹

Unpopular opinion, but I am fine if it's here to stay. I remember when I had do to a horrible internship in a company and the boss was an absolutely terrifying dragon that insisted on "talking informally" when nothing about the interactions with her were anything but.
 
TanookiTom said:
I have been fascinated by people's usage of "du" (informal) transitioning to "Sie" (formal) over the years when addressing me. I am not a huge fan of using it myself, but I kinda enjoy how people use it to actually "personalise" language. Such as the cashier using "du" casually and referring to me as a "young man" to make me feel young and pretty 🥹

Unpopular opinion, but I am fine if it's here to stay. I remember when I had do to a horrible internship in a company and the boss was an absolutely terrifying dragon that insisted on "talking informally" when nothing about the interactions with her were anything but.
Click to expand...
I think I have more an issue with people calling me "Sie" when I don‘t expect it, like when interacting casually with someone my age.

But you‘re right, in the right context it can actually help to keep a respectful or more professional distance to each other.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.


Back
Top Bottom