Army of Light
Cappy
- Pronouns
- She/Her
I guess I am just frustrated. I already hate myself. I hate my body. I hate my life. I feel like my appearance makes me unemployable. I had to move away from my conservative hometown because of it. I'm not so much desiring to be a woman as I am desiring to be nothing at all and to have never been.
I just see all this hate of people like me, coming from educated people, coming from feminists, coming from lesbians who have experienced both misogyny and homophobia, and who in my opinion should know better. And it's not just a little bit of hate. It is a deep, obsessive form of hate. It's a hate that is the entire purpose of organizations they go out of their way to form, music festivals they organize, their twitter accounts, their self identity. They talk about rape. They talk about trans women as if we are their rapists.
And they have platforms and extensive power. On the news, on the BBC, the Guardian, all the news papers, they are the only perspective that matters. They never get "canceled" even as they complain about it, we do. We get defunded, we get our talks canceled. We get necessary medical care taken away. We get our right to use the bathroom or private facilities taken away. Dave Chappelle still gets to be a millionaire. He will likely have as many gigs ahead of him as he wants. The feminist who claim to represent all feminists get to complain about being fired and canceled for money on national platforms. They make ludicrous and unchallenged claims such as saying that if they don't have sex with trans women, they will be fired for being transphobic. I have never heard of that ever happening but the claim goes unchallenged. I will say though that while you don't have to have sex with anybody, if you keep saying you don't want to have sex with trans people, over and over again, whether or not anyone asked you to, to anyone who will listen or who is forced to listen to you, yeah, I am going to think you are as transphobic as I think of someone as racist if they said the same thing about dark skinned women while highlighting demeaning stereotypes about minorities.
I saw the footage of the Wi Spa protests. If I just happened to be walking by, being a visibly non-passing trans woman, I am pretty sure I would have been physically attacked and the police would have let them do it. I might be incorrectly regarded as a counter protester just for existing. It is degrading seeing these incidents day in and day out. That whole story was a manufactroversy and when they finally did announce a trans woman with a record of indecent exposure was arrested, again, merely for being at a Spa where people are expected to be naked, the media left out the context that the previous charges were from survival sex work. That woman could just as easily been me.
I know I am not supposed to say this but when I see someone describe themselves as a feminist in their bio, without qualification, I get wary and scared of them. I used to respect feminism, even before I transitioned, but now I fear them. It's a red flag when people say they are feminists. I believe in equality and I condemn misogyny. I think the struggle for women's liberation is still ongoing, from healthcare rights, to birth control and abortion, LGBT equality to parental leave and equal pay. And yet I am scared of feminists because some feminists weaponize the same language to organize hate against people like me.
And no matter how depressed I get, I can't just disengage from it. This is not an abstract issue for me. I live this way. I can't take off who I am. Other people can treat this like a political debate. I can't. I win the argument or I lose rights. It doesn't feel like a fair fight. Some gays and lesbians have gone out of their way, deciding that since they have marriage equality in the US, that they should kick the T out of LGBT. Or they are willing to campaign for nondiscrimination laws that do not include protection of gender identity.
Like what is my life even worth to anybody in power?
I just see all this hate of people like me, coming from educated people, coming from feminists, coming from lesbians who have experienced both misogyny and homophobia, and who in my opinion should know better. And it's not just a little bit of hate. It is a deep, obsessive form of hate. It's a hate that is the entire purpose of organizations they go out of their way to form, music festivals they organize, their twitter accounts, their self identity. They talk about rape. They talk about trans women as if we are their rapists.
And they have platforms and extensive power. On the news, on the BBC, the Guardian, all the news papers, they are the only perspective that matters. They never get "canceled" even as they complain about it, we do. We get defunded, we get our talks canceled. We get necessary medical care taken away. We get our right to use the bathroom or private facilities taken away. Dave Chappelle still gets to be a millionaire. He will likely have as many gigs ahead of him as he wants. The feminist who claim to represent all feminists get to complain about being fired and canceled for money on national platforms. They make ludicrous and unchallenged claims such as saying that if they don't have sex with trans women, they will be fired for being transphobic. I have never heard of that ever happening but the claim goes unchallenged. I will say though that while you don't have to have sex with anybody, if you keep saying you don't want to have sex with trans people, over and over again, whether or not anyone asked you to, to anyone who will listen or who is forced to listen to you, yeah, I am going to think you are as transphobic as I think of someone as racist if they said the same thing about dark skinned women while highlighting demeaning stereotypes about minorities.
I saw the footage of the Wi Spa protests. If I just happened to be walking by, being a visibly non-passing trans woman, I am pretty sure I would have been physically attacked and the police would have let them do it. I might be incorrectly regarded as a counter protester just for existing. It is degrading seeing these incidents day in and day out. That whole story was a manufactroversy and when they finally did announce a trans woman with a record of indecent exposure was arrested, again, merely for being at a Spa where people are expected to be naked, the media left out the context that the previous charges were from survival sex work. That woman could just as easily been me.
I know I am not supposed to say this but when I see someone describe themselves as a feminist in their bio, without qualification, I get wary and scared of them. I used to respect feminism, even before I transitioned, but now I fear them. It's a red flag when people say they are feminists. I believe in equality and I condemn misogyny. I think the struggle for women's liberation is still ongoing, from healthcare rights, to birth control and abortion, LGBT equality to parental leave and equal pay. And yet I am scared of feminists because some feminists weaponize the same language to organize hate against people like me.
And no matter how depressed I get, I can't just disengage from it. This is not an abstract issue for me. I live this way. I can't take off who I am. Other people can treat this like a political debate. I can't. I win the argument or I lose rights. It doesn't feel like a fair fight. Some gays and lesbians have gone out of their way, deciding that since they have marriage equality in the US, that they should kick the T out of LGBT. Or they are willing to campaign for nondiscrimination laws that do not include protection of gender identity.
Like what is my life even worth to anybody in power?