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Discussion Venting about life

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H

Hermii

Manakete
Il start off by saying I'm in a relationship. On Friday I went to a work event with alcohol involved and started talking to a female colleague that I don't work directly with. Turns out we like many of the same things, and we talked about going to a yoga class together. The problem is that I find her far to attractive, and there is no way I can start hanging out with her on my free time.

If I don't take the initiative this thing will probably just go away naturally. If she takes the initiative I will have to turn her down and I will die a little inside.

Anyway nice venting to you.
 
Hermii said:
Il start off by saying I'm in a relationship. On Friday I went to a work event with alcohol involved and started talking to a female colleague that I don't work directly with. Turns out we like many of the same things, and we talked about going to a yoga class together. The problem is that I find her far to attractive, and there is no way I can start hanging out with her on my free time.

If I don't take the initiative this thing will probably just go away naturally. If she takes the initiative I will have to turn her down and I will die a little inside.

Anyway nice venting to you.
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So, you're in a relationship already and met someone from work that you vibe with? Can you just be friends with them? Is the reason you cannot hang out with them is because you think it might cause some friction between you and your current significant other?
 
zhou said:
So, you're in a relationship already and met someone from work that you vibe with? Can you just be friends with them? Is the reason you cannot hang out with them is because you think it might cause some friction between you and your current significant other?
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Yes I know it will, and secondly I cannot overstate how attractive this girl is.
 
The fact that you're posting about this here tells me you're looking for someone to tell you the answer. Fortunately for you it's really simple, you have two options.

Respect your partner enough to end your relationship before you go any further with this person.

Or, don't betray your partners trust and stop putting yourself in situations where your attraction to this person is going to make life harder.

Your decision should be based on how important your relationship is to you
 
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kvetcha said:
then don't respond to a thread about it?
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Sorry I forgot straight people are the second most oppressed group (gamers being #1 of course)

Let me be a good ally to straight people in their struggle

Straight rights!
 
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Hey OP I feel like you're kind of in a weird situation by your own making here. The fact that you can't be around her without popping a boner is concerning, and if I was your partner and found out about this, I would be very concerned about how susceptible you were. Not that there's anything wrong with finding someone hot while in a relationship with another, but you're either in a relationship with someone who doesn't like that, or you have a lot of issues to work out.
 
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@bellydrum already kind of summed it up in my eyes but I wanted to reiterate: whatever you end up doing, just don’t lie. To your partner or yourself. Exclusively bad things will come of it. I’m sure you know better than anyone here what you’re looking for and if you feel as though you’ve found it yet!
 
OP, I'm gonna be blunt, just from the general vibes I'm getting from this: You might not be monogamous and I think that's a conversation you need to have with your partner.

You're likely someone who would be more interested in an open relationship or polyamorous one (potentially both). The thing is, the person you're discussing could potentially be just looking for a friendship, but judging from how you're expressing yourself here, I think there's more going on with you in that regards and this is a conversation you should have with your current partner, not us.

I think a lot of straight people completely do not get the whole "poly" and "open relationship" angle, and OP, if this is how you'll likely be going forward in relationships, it's better you have a serious talk with your current partner now than potentially down the road where things could become a mess.

I'm currently in an Open Relationship and Polycule, and while it has it's own hurdles, communication is exceptionally key. We discuss things (both with potential partners and potential sexual partners) and it's how we make our relationship work. You need to talk with your partner about these feelings you have and maybe have a discussion about exploring this. So please, discuss with your partner how you're feeling and don't hide it. The last thing you (or your current partner for that matter) needs to deal with is forcing yourself into a relationship that doesn't suit you or your partner.

Be honest with them. Be honest with how you're feeling. And like someone else said, don't lie.
 
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big lantern ghost said:
@bellydrum already kind of summed it up in my eyes but I wanted to reiterate: whatever you end up doing, just don’t lie. To your partner or yourself. Exclusively bad things will come of it. I’m sure you know better than anyone here what you’re looking for and if you feel as though you’ve found it yet!
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I haven't lied about anything. Didn't exactly tell her about this incident but that will only lead to bad things, trust me.

Anyway as I said in the OP, this thing will most likely end with none of us (me and the yoga girl) ever bringing yoga classes up again. Haven't heard anything yet, and doubt I will.
 
Hermii said:
I haven't lied about anything. Didn't exactly tell her about this incident but that will only lead to bad things, trust me.
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You NEED to communicate this with your partner, OP. Jesus Christ. The fact you aren't telling your partner everything is a serious problem when it comes to situations like this. If it'll lead to bad things, then maybe you should reconsider some things in your life, including your partnership. Like, this is not something you should hide from your partner.
 
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Hermii said:
I haven't lied about anything. Didn't exactly tell her about this incident but that will only lead to bad things, trust me.

Anyway as I said in the OP, this thing will most likely end with none of us (me and the yoga girl) ever bringing yoga classes up again. Haven't heard anything yet, and doubt I will.
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Apologies if I sounded accusatory! I didn’t mean to say you are lying, just a vote for honesty being the best policy really.

Apologies again if this is too personal a question but I thought it would be OK given the OP / general topic: is there any particular reason your partner would be so bothered that you had this interaction?
 
You have been banned for a month. Do not use awkward, racially-fetishised language when talking about people that you find attractive. - PixelKnight, Aurc, Irene
big lantern ghost said:
Apologies if I sounded accusatory! I didn’t mean to say you are lying, just a vote for honesty being the best policy really.

Apologies again if this is too personal a question but I thought it would be OK given the OP / general topic: is there any particular reason your partner would be so bothered that you had this interaction?
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She's got an Asian look (yoga), and she knows I have a thing for that. That is one of the times we're I was honest and got a lot of shit for it.

That and our relationship has built up such massive fucking trust issues over the years that if I told you half of it you would all scream at me to gtfo.

I didn't expect this thread to take this turn, let's talk about some video games.
Mod edit- the text behind spoiler tags is the original content of the post that the feedback is aimed at, for the sake of transparency. At the time it was reported the OP had edited it out.
 
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Okay nevermind forget the bit about making fun of straight people, openly fetishizing Asian women (for doing yoga?) is much weirder
 
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This thread is locked while we review reports.

Edit- As the OP has been banned, this thread will remain closed.
 
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