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Discussion Trip to Japan in august + dealing with mental health

Mellifluus

Mellifluus

Cappy
Pronouns
He/Him
Hi. I know that this is not the best way to engage in a new forum...

Been lurking for a year or so I think, specially reading ToTK related discussions and theories (I loved how thoughful well writen the posts from Serif were)

I have been dealing with depression now for ten years, since I was 17 basically, now recently turned 27. Things have been up and down with no mental peace in between. I haven't had a single month where I have felt "at home" with myself. I have been bullied since I was little so I have body and facial image issues that I think at this point I will never recover from. I don't think anybody wants to deal with this or a lack of confidence, so at times I'm close to giving up... My family is also fed up with all this crap and I don't think I will be tolerated for much longer if think doesn't change.

There's a lot, A LOT more to this whole thing but I don't want to delve too much into this whole deal here, but yeah... I'm not doing well.

I joined this site to make myself more "visible" (this is a niche forum I know) and try If I can have a fraction of peace of mind at least when posting and interacting with others. Don't think this will change a thing, but I thought It wouldn't hurt to try.

I'm going to Japan this august and will stay there nearly all the month. With an online friend I have barely seen (but talked a lot). I am excited for this, but also worrying about fucking things up due to having a shit mood for the travel. Maybe when I'm there my mood will improve and I will be able to enjoy myself, it's not like I'm a "joyless" person, it's just that my self-steem is so crap I sometimes can not think about other nice things out there, due to not feeling worthy of it.

Did anyone have a similar experience? Like worrying before an important event and then being able to fully enjoy it? It wont be relatable due to the special circumstances of my situation but I would love reading you. Also, did any of you go to Japan? if so, what are your most beautiful memories moments there? What do you recommend visiting and doing there, personally? :)

I know that this is a weird first post, and sorry if it's innapropiate. Also I'm from Spain and english is totally not my first language lol, sorry in advance

I wish all of you a good week
 
Hi. Welcome to this forum and thanks for sharing your story! Hope you find some fun and belonging here.

I can relate a little bit. In my early 20s I had quite a severe anxiety disorder which made life pretty unpleasant for a long time. I also have some self-esteem issues that make it difficult for me to make deep friendships. Now I'm a bit older, I look back on my teens and 20s as a difficult time, but which helped me build a lot of strengths, and I have a great life now, so I know it's possible to move on from these kinds of problems. You wrote such a thoughtful post, and in a second language, you clearly have a lot to offer and you should stay hopeful!

I've never been to Japan but always wanted to. I studied the language for a while but never got past beginner level conversation and kana writing. What are your plans for the trip?
 
Mellifluus said:
Hi. I know that this is not the best way to engage in a new forum...

Been lurking for a year or so I think, specially reading ToTK related discussions and theories (I loved how thoughful well writen the posts from Serif were)

I have been dealing with depression now for ten years, since I was 17 basically, now recently turned 27. Things have been up and down with no mental peace in between. I haven't had a single month where I have felt "at home" with myself. I have been bullied since I was little so I have body and facial image issues that I think at this point I will never recover from. I don't think anybody wants to deal with this or a lack of confidence, so at times I'm close to giving up... My family is also fed up with all this crap and I don't think I will be tolerated for much longer if think doesn't change.

There's a lot, A LOT more to this whole thing but I don't want to delve too much into this whole deal here, but yeah... I'm not doing well.

I joined this site to make myself more "visible" (this is a niche forum I know) and try If I can have a fraction of peace of mind at least when posting and interacting with others. Don't think this will change a thing, but I thought It wouldn't hurt to try.

I'm going to Japan this august and will stay there nearly all the month. With an online friend I have barely seen (but talked a lot). I am excited for this, but also worrying about fucking things up due to having a shit mood for the travel. Maybe when I'm there my mood will improve and I will be able to enjoy myself, it's not like I'm a "joyless" person, it's just that my self-steem is so crap I sometimes can not think about other nice things out there, due to not feeling worthy of it.

Did anyone have a similar experience? Like worrying before an important event and then being able to fully enjoy it? It wont be relatable due to the special circumstances of my situation but I would love reading you. Also, did any of you go to Japan? if so, what are your most beautiful memories moments there? What do you recommend visiting and doing there, personally? :)

I know that this is a weird first post, and sorry if it's innapropiate. Also I'm from Spain and english is totally not my first language lol, sorry in advance

I wish all of you a good week
Click to expand...

If you need any travel tips, DM me, I was in Japan for two months this year, and had a blast.

If you haven't sorted one already, I highly recommend getting a JR pass, which allows you unlimited bullet train travel over a set period, if you sort it early you'll have enough time for it to be sent to you, rather than having to get it sent to your accommodation (but this is an option too!). It's only available to those visiting on a tourist visa, so it's incredible value for us tourists!

I started by getting the bullet train from Tokyo to Hiroshima, and proceeded back to Tokyo via Osaka and Kyoto (see Fushimi Inari for sure) over the course of about a week. If you get the two-week pass, you'll have a bit more time in each place, and could probably fit in Fuji after Kyoto too!

A lot of people miss Hiroshima, but it was genuinely one of the most simultaneously beautiful and harrowing weekends of my life. There is an island (Miyajima) with a floating shrine just south of the city; it's an absolutely stunning place. The G7 leaders were there very recently! Do not skip it if it can be helped!!!!!!

Fuji can also be done as a day trip from Tokyo, as can Yokohama and Kawagoe <--- I recommend all of those places!

Kyoto cool shrine: https://www.discoverkyoto.com/places-go/sanjusangen-do/
If you like Majora's Mask, this thing is cool: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tower_of_the_Sun
Osaka castle was fun.

The food is the best in the world, be sure to try everything you can!
 
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I've wrestled with deep, chronic depression since childhood. I'm 41, and I still wrestle with it, but I've gotten better at managing it. I've learned more about myself, I've slowly built up a network (starting at a little older than you, in fact) of people who support me, and, you know, prescription drugs.

You're certainly not alone in feeling what you feel. And persistent, chronic depression is like many other persistent, chronic conditions. It might never completely away, but it is also treatable and manageable, and you can have a rich, happy, long life with it. I hope you find that path for yourself. I'm proud of you for pushing through and putting yourself out there in small and big ways.

I also get dread in front of big experiences, and it can poison things. It can also dissolve in the face of something truly positive! But the most likely thing? Sometimes I'll be in a bad mood, but it won't ruin anything, and then the bad mood will fade, and then it will come back, and then fade again. And despite all that, I'm glad I did whatever the thing was, especially if I was with someone who understood, and I gave myself time to ease into it.

Welcome to the community! Like all communities, it's imperfect, but I hope you feel as welcome as I did when I joined.

And enjoy Japan! I spent 10 days in the Tokyo area a few years ago, and it was a wonderful experience.
 
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Bipolar, baby! It's a cliche, but I'm taking it one day at a time. Thanks for sharing your experience. Hope you find a cliche that makes the next chunk of your life just a little bit easier .
 
Thank you all for the kind and thoughtful responses, I actually got in a better mood while reading them yesterday :) I'm going to a therapy session in a bit and pretend to talk about matters I think I have been hiding to my therapist. At least for me it's a thing that I struggle severely with, it's a damn shame because in the end I am wasting everyone's time and money, but when I am face to face when someone my intentions to go full "trauma dump" as people say just melt away and I subconsciously try to diminish the whole thing... I don't know why am I like this lol

I know myself and I think I'm not bipolar, nor have ADHD or any other disorder. Who knows, but I don't think that's the case. I think my depression and anxiety is entirely "envinromental". I have been bullied by close friends so I end up not feeling worthy or comfortable around others. I live in a so called "city" with basically 0, and I mean 0 social opportunities. Everyone in Andalucia calls it a "ghost city". There are several instances in the day when I am talking a walk and I am basically alone with my dog, it's so depressing. You see all the beautiful houses and streets (at least to me) and wonder what's happening here. My life moves slowly, very slowly, it could be entire months until something remotely interesting happens. It's so disheartening. When I try to vent to my parents, even in an "at least hear me a little, please" way, not in a desperate manner, all I get is bad faces, guilt-trip and lately being accused of "everything being my fault" because "they know people who have great friends here" (giving me only one example everytime, one of my cousins) Of course people have friends here, even I do, but that doesn't mean anything really...

I only have one good friend who I meet regularly, but we don't have a numerous friend group or anything like that. To be honest while I dearly love him, things have been depressing while hanging with him. It's not like it's entirely boring, I enjoy being around him... but we are both introverted, he confessed to me that he was diagnosed with autism as a child and he is struggling. I want to support him, believe me I do. But we have basically told everything to each other, there is anything more to share than the occasional laugh and comfy conversation. At this point it feels like routine, sadly.

I met this spring a girl who I occasionally hanged out with after the pandemic. I was so depressed at the time that stopped meeting her and her friends, despite them being nice people. I went with her friend group to go see the Mario movie, bowling, a pub... but now her mother is battling cancer and the entire group is not meeting anymore. They intended to go watch the Barbie movie but I don't even think that will happen seeing how depressed my friend is... and they are nice people but also very indecisive and not very ... proactive to doing things? don't know if I am saying this correctly.

I'm going now, will keep updating this from time to time if it's appropiate. :) Have a nice day. Y perdón por muchísimo texto.
Chaos Theory said:
If you need any travel tips, DM me, I was in Japan for two months this year, and had a blast.

If you haven't sorted one already, I highly recommend getting a JR pass, which allows you unlimited bullet train travel over a set period, if you sort it early you'll have enough time for it to be sent to you, rather than having to get it sent to your accommodation (but this is an option too!). It's only available to those visiting on a tourist visa, so it's incredible value for us tourists!

I started by getting the bullet train from Tokyo to Hiroshima, and proceeded back to Tokyo via Osaka and Kyoto (see Fushimi Inari for sure) over the course of about a week. If you get the two-week pass, you'll have a bit more time in each place, and could probably fit in Fuji after Kyoto too!

A lot of people miss Hiroshima, but it was genuinely one of the most simultaneously beautiful and harrowing weekends of my life. There is an island (Miyajima) with a floating shrine just south of the city; it's an absolutely stunning place. The G7 leaders were there very recently! Do not skip it if it can be helped!!!!!!

Fuji can also be done as a day trip from Tokyo, as can Yokohama and Kawagoe <--- I recommend all of those places!

Kyoto cool shrine: https://www.discoverkyoto.com/places-go/sanjusangen-do/
If you like Majora's Mask, this thing is cool: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tower_of_the_Sun
Osaka castle was fun.

The food is the best in the world, be sure to try everything you can!
Click to expand...

Thank you all again, and this was incredibly helpful. I will probably DM you if you don't mind :) Majora's Mask is indeed my favourite videogame, so many beautiful memories with the n64 Zelda games. I will try and check that place for sure. Also love the atmosphere of japanese shrines :)
 
Mellifluus said:
Thank you all for the kind and thoughtful responses, I actually got in a better mood while reading them yesterday :) I'm going to a therapy session in a bit and pretend to talk about matters I think I have been hiding to my therapist. At least for me it's a thing that I struggle severely with, it's a damn shame because in the end I am wasting everyone's time and money, but when I am face to face when someone my intentions to go full "trauma dump" as people say just melt away and I subconsciously try to diminish the whole thing... I don't know why am I like this lol

I know myself and I think I'm not bipolar, nor have ADHD or any other disorder. Who knows, but I don't think that's the case. I think my depression and anxiety is entirely "envinromental". I have been bullied by close friends so I end up not feeling worthy or comfortable around others. I live in a so called "city" with basically 0, and I mean 0 social opportunities. Everyone in Andalucia calls it a "ghost city". There are several instances in the day when I am talking a walk and I am basically alone with my dog, it's so depressing. You see all the beautiful houses and streets (at least to me) and wonder what's happening here. My life moves slowly, very slowly, it could be entire months until something remotely interesting happens. It's so disheartening. When I try to vent to my parents, even in an "at least hear me a little, please" way, not in a desperate manner, all I get is bad faces, guilt-trip and lately being accused of "everything being my fault" because "they know people who have great friends here" (giving me only one example everytime, one of my cousins) Of course people have friends here, even I do, but that doesn't mean anything really...

I only have one good friend who I meet regularly, but we don't have a numerous friend group or anything like that. To be honest while I dearly love him, things have been depressing while hanging with him. It's not like it's entirely boring, I enjoy being around him... but we are both introverted, he confessed to me that he was diagnosed with autism as a child and he is struggling. I want to support him, believe me I do. But we have basically told everything to each other, there is anything more to share than the occasional laugh and comfy conversation. At this point it feels like routine, sadly.

I met this spring a girl who I occasionally hanged out with after the pandemic. I was so depressed at the time that stopped meeting her and her friends, despite them being nice people. I went with her friend group to go see the Mario movie, bowling, a pub... but now her mother is battling cancer and the entire group is not meeting anymore. They intended to go watch the Barbie movie but I don't even think that will happen seeing how depressed my friend is... and they are nice people but also very indecisive and not very ... proactive to doing things? don't know if I am saying this correctly.

I'm going now, will keep updating this from time to time if it's appropiate. :) Have a nice day. Y perdón por muchísimo texto.


Thank you all again, and this was incredibly helpful. I will probably DM you if you don't mind :) Majora's Mask is indeed my favourite videogame, so many beautiful memories with the n64 Zelda games. I will try and check that place for sure. Also love the atmosphere of japanese shrines :)
Click to expand...

De nada enchilada, envíame cualquier pregunta que tengas. Ademas, la psicoterapia es un muy buen paso, sigue adelante.
 
Mellifluus said:
Hi. I know that this is not the best way to engage in a new forum...

Been lurking for a year or so I think, specially reading ToTK related discussions and theories (I loved how thoughful well writen the posts from Serif were)

I have been dealing with depression now for ten years, since I was 17 basically, now recently turned 27. Things have been up and down with no mental peace in between. I haven't had a single month where I have felt "at home" with myself. I have been bullied since I was little so I have body and facial image issues that I think at this point I will never recover from. I don't think anybody wants to deal with this or a lack of confidence, so at times I'm close to giving up... My family is also fed up with all this crap and I don't think I will be tolerated for much longer if think doesn't change.

There's a lot, A LOT more to this whole thing but I don't want to delve too much into this whole deal here, but yeah... I'm not doing well.

I joined this site to make myself more "visible" (this is a niche forum I know) and try If I can have a fraction of peace of mind at least when posting and interacting with others. Don't think this will change a thing, but I thought It wouldn't hurt to try.

I'm going to Japan this august and will stay there nearly all the month. With an online friend I have barely seen (but talked a lot). I am excited for this, but also worrying about fucking things up due to having a shit mood for the travel. Maybe when I'm there my mood will improve and I will be able to enjoy myself, it's not like I'm a "joyless" person, it's just that my self-steem is so crap I sometimes can not think about other nice things out there, due to not feeling worthy of it.

Did anyone have a similar experience? Like worrying before an important event and then being able to fully enjoy it? It wont be relatable due to the special circumstances of my situation but I would love reading you. Also, did any of you go to Japan? if so, what are your most beautiful memories moments there? What do you recommend visiting and doing there, personally? :)

I know that this is a weird first post, and sorry if it's innapropiate. Also I'm from Spain and english is totally not my first language lol, sorry in advance

I wish all of you a good week
Click to expand...
Good luck OP. I really hope you can get through the travel and get some enjoyment. I’ve had similar issues and failed miserably. I’m wishing you the best.
 
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Hi, OP! Glad you've joined us, Fami is a nice place!

Mellifluus said:
Did anyone have a similar experience? Like worrying before an important event and then being able to fully enjoy it?
Click to expand...

I can 100% relate to it, have been there many times. Earlier this year was especially bad because my husband got he job of his dreams and I couldn't feel happy for him due to my depression, and I felt like I was bringing the whole mood down and fucking up what was supposed to be the best time of his life. It was really rough and I felt so shitty and guilty.

I got better once I went back to taking meds (I had interrupted without seeing a doctor a few months prior - huge mistake), and got prescripted different meds by a new doctor which make me feel much much better than the one I was taking previously. Sometimes if you're on meds and still feels depressed the whole time, it's important to check with your doctor or even a different one to see if there aren't other options for your case.

I could tell you that anxiety is all in your head and Japan is awesome and you're gonna have a blast and that you're not a fuck up and no one thinks you are, but even if that's all most likely true, it won't make you feel better because that's not how depression works. The only way to feel better is to have it treated with the right meds and good, effective therapy. If you've been going to therapy and feels like you haven't reached a breakthrough in at least one area that makes you feel better about yourself, maybe it's time to also reevaluate to see if your therapist is the best fit for you, try a different approach etc. Therapy helps a lot, and I say that as someone whose depression is also heavily linked to body image. If it's not working, maybe you haven't found the right approach yet. I really like psychoanalysis and I think it's a good approach for body issues especially if family/childhood experiences are involved, but you have to find your own path.

Btw, having depression from 17 to 27 is really hard because that's a tough age where a lot is changing and it's hard even if you're not depressed. So the fact you haven't quite managed to get it under control yet doesn't mean it will be like that for the rest of your life, once you hit your 30s things you start to settle down a bit and become more predictable and less burdening, and you will be able to manage the condition better.

I know it's hard, but for now try to work on getting better and planning your trip instead of overthinking about how you're going to feel when you get there. Think of the places you wanna see, the pictures you want to take, practice a few phrases in Japanese, think of cool things you can buy, different food you wanna try etc. If you feel bad one or two days while you're there, so be it, it won't be the end of the world and you can just tell your friend you don't feel well and would rather be alone for that day if you aren't comfortable to talk to them. Then maybe you can go for a walk and do some chill exploration around the area by yourself, all at your own pace. Don't burden yourself with expectations, just take it easy, be kind to yourself, and focus on the things you want to see, do and experience instead.

I hope you feel better soon! I'm available if you want to DM me as well. Have fun in Japan!!
 
Thank you all for your kind and thoughful answers! I am doing relatively good these past few days. I am not happy by any stretch, but I do have my moments of peace, which I do appreciate a lot. I will focus the 2 weeks I have prior to the trip to just try and be relaxed and stress-free mentally. I owe that a lot to myself...

Having depression from 17 to 27 feels merciless to me as I feel I should be out there focusing on bulding a better future for myself and a future partner if I even get to enjoy the company of one, and experimenting all kind of memories... It's not like I haven't had any beautiful memory, or any relationship at all, but these things just feel so far away from me like some sort of distant dream at times...

I sort of get some cruel comments from time to time from family also, namely the usual "you have been ill for an awful long time", "at this rate, you won't get better"... I try very hard to not stress over those comments, as they are not representative of reality and they also stem from actual sadness of seeing a close relative with poor mental health. It would also mess me up if I have a child one day and I feel like I can't do anything to make them feel better, so I understand... but at the same time I don't want to keep hearing these kinds of hurtful comments. I don't know.
 
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Hi! I want you to know you're not alone in this. Many of us have faced similar struggles. Going to Japan sounds like an amazing adventure! Sometimes, new experiences can bring a breath of fresh air, even to our mood. Don't be too hard on yourself; give yourself a chance to enjoy the trip. If you want it to be extremely comfortable, go for cheap business class flights. I hope you'll enjoy the trip!
 
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Hi and welcome! I used to have a debilitating anxiety disorder so I feel you deeply. I am a lot better these days, more so than I thought it could be possible. Exposure therapy in baby steps really helped me.

I'm going to Tokyo in December so I will have to read your and @Chaos Theory recommendations 😊
 

@Mellifluus​


Therapy can work wonders, stick at it and force yourself to be utterly honest, you won't be judged, only helped.

As for Japan, I'm going in October for a month and It'll be my 6th time so I'm happy to answer any questions you may have.
You can write in Spanish if you prefer, I'm not native but have spoken it daily for over 20 years with my partner.

One of the best thing about Japan is how lovely and welcoming people are, wrt your self-esteem issues it may be helpful to think that you're going somewhere exotic and you will look exotic to the locals, you'll meet friendly people who will be open-minded and curious about you. A fresh experience and a real break.

Some initial advice for Japan would be to consider buying the Japan Rail Pass and making the most of it (in October it will almost double in price), travelling by train there is a joy.Probably the best resource for Japan travel is japan-guide.com, have a look there and at their YouTube channel, it's great.

For a first trip I'd want to have a mix of modern city, traditional Japan, countryside, volcanoes, onsens etc. but it will depend on your tastes tbh.
One issue is that in August, a lot of the country is incredibly hot and humid so you could consider going North for part of the trip to Hokkaido or Tohoku.

www.japan-guide.com

Hokkaido

Travel guide for Hokkaido, Japan.
www.japan-guide.com www.japan-guide.com
www.japan-guide.com

Tohoku Region

Travel guide for Japan's Tohoku Region.
www.japan-guide.com www.japan-guide.com

Best of Hokkaido in Summer

Suggested travel itinerary for 16 days in Hokkaido
www.japan-guide.com www.japan-guide.com

I just noticed that Chaos Theory already mentioned the JR Pass so sorry for the duplication.

A stretched out version of this itinerary would be a" typical" first trip to Japan when you have lots of time like you:

Best of Japan in 14 days

Suggested travel itinerary for 14 days in Japan.
www.japan-guide.com www.japan-guide.com
 
I just visited Japan in late May for about 2 weeks so can try and help with the Japan hype side. I hope you can have a great time as well

Our best moments were traveling out from Osaka, we went to Tokyo as well but I absolutely fell in love with South Honshu. We did a lot of day trips but if you can spend extra days, there was way too much in each place to do in one day.

We visited Kasuga Shrine just before closing near dusk and barely saw anyone. It has an atmospheric forest walk past 3000 stone lanterns (your mental image is an underestimate), complete with moody perched crows, sleeping deer, and ancient twisting trees. You could drop it unaltered into a horror game. Might be my favorite part of Nara.

The deer, bow to them and they'll do a cute bow back (then expect a reward).
Late in the afternoon you get great pictures of them chilling around the Tori gates and quieter shrines and paths.

Isuien Garden was a picturesque garden made to reflect the unspoiled view behind it. Not that big but imactulately maintained and feature packed.
There's a really nice little restaurant that opens onto the garden, we loved it aside from a controversal potato starch and raw egg soup...

In May arriving on the island felt like teleporting to a different topical country.

Both the beachside shrine and floating Tori gate are stunning. We timed it to see the gate on the water at half tide and catch the sunset through the gate at low tide. Would have loved to see full tide as well though.

There were some great small restruants only a step off the main path, we had amazing eel and oyster tempura.

There's also a nice little shrine a short distance up the mountain that was way quieter and had a great style, built into the mountain valley and filled with tiny stone painted Buddhas.

This quickly became way too long so leaving it at these two for now. I find the difficulty is that Japan's so varied that each day trip is like writing about a different holiday.

Happy to share more of what we did or some pictures if it's interesting.
 
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