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Discussion Advice for making friends for someone with autism

EddyZacianLand

EddyZacianLand

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I am really struggling to make friends and I feel I have done everything I can and college isn't helping at all.
British and college here is basically an extension of high school that you can go when ur 16 and you can take high school level courses here, you go on 3 times a week typically.
I started at a different college this past September but the problem was in October I was having surgery, so I had from the until January off. So in that time my classmates made friends but since I wasn't there, left me feeling isolated an none of them tried to help feel a part of the group. It didn't help that in March I had another surgery, so I had even more time off.
The course I am doing atm is a computing course, but in September I am switching to social science, so I am hoping that course will help me make friends, but that obviously means I have nothing to help make friends until then.

I also live in a pretty rural area so most events you could suggest to go to, to try and make friends, simply don't happen here.
I desperately want to make friends that live close to me, but I just don't know if it's possible for me. All the avenues I have tried lead to nothing, which just depress me even more, it doesn't help that my college isn't doing anything other than your course, so there's no extracurricular activity I could go to, but that may be starting off in September.

If there's anything, anything at all, you could suggest that could help me make a friend that lives close by, because it looks like I have tried everything that's available to me, multiple times and they have all led to failure.
I really really want a friend, I truly do but it just doesn't seem possible.
 
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I'm also autistic and british. I had an easy time making friends from reception through the time I moved High School in Year 8. It then got progressively harder until after two more moves I was your age and had no friends in the town I lived in at the time. Other bullshit was going on too but yeah I couldn't make any friends at all in my second college.

Try and do extracurricular stuff if you can at your college, thats how I made friends at my first college. Also see if there are any social groups for Autistic adolescents or adults near you. Might not be as you are rural but it's worth a check. Here's one I've been to: https://sheffield-aspergers.org.uk/a-team-social-group/

Also are you planning on going to uni? Being in flat with a bunch of people I never met before helped me get out and meet more people with them, lol.
 
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crepuscule said:
I'm also Autistic and British. I had an easy time make friends from reception through the time I moved High School in Year 8. It then got progressively harder until after two more moves I was your age and had no friends in the town I lived in at the time. Other bullshit was going on too but yeah I couldn't make any friends at all in my second college.

Try and do extracurricular stuff if you can at your college, thats how I made friends at my first college. Also see if there are any social groups for Autistics adolescents or adults near you. Might not be if you are rural but it's worth a check.

Also are you planning on going to uni? Being in flat with a bunch of people I never met before helped me get out meet more people, lol.
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Unfortunately they aren't doing any extracurricular activity until September bc of covid.
I am planning on going to uni but not live in a flat with other people, at least in my first year, because I would feel super uncomfortable sharing with people Idk so I would spend my first year traveling from home.
 
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Really, you should know that there is no clear time where someone designates you as a friend, or not. People simply come together with time. You should also know that plenty of people aren't going to like you as well. So really, don't be desperate for a friend. People will like you, and also not like you. It's just the way things work.

Also, if you do live in Britain, the closest city center should be an hour or two away. Right? Go traveling and find an activity in that city center that you like. Now that I am out of college, I have to travel out of state to see my friends, haha. It's like a 4 hour drive in the short end.

Getting roommates is also a good start. You may not like the roommates yourself, but in a loft or a dorm, it's a very great place to meet people. I actually met my wife at my college dorm. It was great.
 
Lozjam said:
Really, you should know that there is no clear time where someone designates you as a friend, or not. People simply come together with time. You should also know that plenty of people aren't going to like you as well. So really, don't be desperate for a friend. People will like you, and also not like you. It's just the way things work.

Also, if you do live in Britain, the closest city center should be an hour or two away. Right? Go traveling and find an activity in that city center that you like. Now that I am out of college, I have to travel out of state to see my friends, haha. It's like a 4 hour drive in the short end.

Getting roommates is also a good start. You may not like the roommates yourself, but in a loft or a dorm, it's a very great place to meet people. I actually met my wife at my college dorm. It was great.
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I am an 18 year old who can't drive and doesn't have a job yet, because I am not ready for it.
I am still living with my Mum.
Traveling is not an option.
 
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Back in HS/college it was through social clubs (I did martial arts - Judo and Jujitsu classes for around 9 years and 7 years, respectively). I know other people go for sports but honestly there's loads of things you can join usually through Meetup.

For me nowadays it's through work. After work I get invited to drinks socials (and it's okay if you don't want to drink alcohol, no one really cares) or through meals out. Don't worry about making friends too much, I know that's a weird thing to say but people will come to you at some point, enjoy your own personal time.
 
Sumio Mondo said:
Back in HS/college it was through social clubs (I did martial arts - Judo and Jujitsu classes for around 9 years and 7 years, respectively). I know other people go for sports but honestly there's loads of things you can join usually through Meetup.

For me nowadays it's through work. After work I get invited to drinks socials (and it's okay if you don't want to drink alcohol, no one really cares) or through meals out.
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Unfortunately my college is holding any of those until September now.
Yeah it's looking like I have to wait until September
 
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Try forcing yourself to be more social in class. I was always a bit shy and I didn't really know anyone when I first joined a new college, at lunch time I was at a table where some people were talking about video games so I forced myself to speak up a bit and by the end of the day I'd arranged to play Mario Kart with someone. I've been friends with them for close to 10 years now. Making friends is always just about putting yourself out there, I think.
 
Kingpin Rogers said:
Try forcing yourself to be more social in class. I was always a bit shy and I didn't really know anyone when I first joined a new college, at lunch time I was at a table where some people were talking about video games so I forced myself to speak up a bit and by the end of the day I'd arranged to play Mario Kart with someone. I've been friends with them for close to 10 years now. Making friends is always just about putting yourself out there, I think.
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I have tried that but my voice straight up doesn't work when I do, it's frustrating.
 
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Try a board game meetup maybe? I went to one once, the people there were nice and dorky.
 
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As an autistic this is a struggle I know all too well; the early years of high school and my first year of University were very lonely times for me as well as the arcane art of "making friends" felt like trying to solve a rubik's cube blindfolded while walking a tightrope and reciting Shakespeare in Elvish.

One of the biggest turning points in my adult life came when I connected to the autistic community. Meeting others who I had more in common with neurologically was a real breakthrough in terms of both forming interpersonal relationships and finding self-acceptance. I found it easier to connect to other autistics, which served as a good starting point to then go out and forge friendships with non-autistics.

I guess that would be my main piece of advice, if there are any peer support groups for autistics in your city/area, I highly recommend giving that a go. I know that could be problematic in a rural area; I grew up in a small country town so I know it can be tough in that regard too. If there are none in your area, then try online; there are tons available there.

This brings me to another piece of advice I would give is that in my experience, a friend doesn't have to be someone you know in person. I have forged lasting and meaningful relationships with people that I have still never met face to face.
Seek out line communities around things that interest you. This one could be a good place to start!

I know we don't know each other, but it sounds like we have some similar experiences and you seem like a good person; please feel free to message me any time if there's anything I can help you with, or if you just need to talk. You are a not alone. :)
 
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