Retro Weird "facts" about video game characters, and how to explain them in their canon (AKA: Mario is a universe-hopping war veteran)

[Theorymon]

Let's face it: some video game franchises get big. So big, that a lot of hands get on them, maybe hands that shouldn't. With that fact in mind, you can craft some pretty amusing narratives around some characters, if you assume everything is canon!

Here's an example!

Mario is a war veteran that has experience with guns

So where the hell am I getting the idea that Mario is a war vet? Let's take a look at a little known Game & Watch game: Mario's Bombs Away!

(Note: this gif is from the Game & Watch Gallery 4 version, which doesn't look exactly the same)

So what does this look like? It looks like a soldier Mario is in a jungle delivering bombs... sound familiar?

Gotta wonder now if the Mushroom Kingdom has a history of getting into dumbass wars now!

But wait, I got another piece of evidence pointing to Mario's military history! Let's take a look at the obscure Super Mario Bros 3 anime, Super Mario Amada!

Holy shit, Mario has a gun, and he doesn't look afraid to use it! Mario clearly has experience using this thing. There is an issue however... in this very same Super Mario Amada episode, this happens..

MARIO IS BORN FROM A GOD DAMN PEACH! Now granted, that's because this story is an adaption of the Japanese fairy tale, Momotaro, aka "the peach boy". That gun is the fairy heirloom of his hammer bro parents (who by the way, are also Peach's parents in this, wtf). But wait a second... why does this "baby" Mario have a mustache? That directly contradicts Yoshi's Island! But how can this be explained...

Simple: we got evidence that Mario has a habit of hopping to other universes! Now the easy way out would be to mention Smash Bros, but yall are gonna complain about trophies, so I'll do things the hard way. I could go the other easy route and talk about the time Mario was in NBA Street V3, but there's no explanation for why he's in that game. What I'm about to show you, explains both this, AND how Mario played basketball in our world!

Let's get back to the Mario Wiki (the only reason this thread exists lmao), and take a look at this issue of the Nintendo Comics System: https://www.mariowiki.com/In_the_Palm_of_Your_Hand...

So a basic synopsis of this issue (it's a 4 part series too) is: Tatanga from Super Mario Land escapes a dude's game boy, takes over the wonder mall in New Jersey, and Mario and this kid have to stop them.

Mario makes mention of Tatanga using an "inter-dimensional warp zone". That explains everything! How was Mario "born" in a peach (the fruit!!!)? He used a warp zone, and those grief stricken hammer bros just assumed he was a baby, despite you know... the mustache. How does Mario play basketball in Chicago? inter-dimensional warp zones!

So in conclusion: Mario uses inter-dimensional warp zones to get around. Also, he was in a war.

So what narratives can you craft? Doesn't have to be for Mario, I want to see what obscure knowledge you can drag up to the surface!

 

[Krvavi Abadas]

Sonic's original north american backstory is absolutely wild.

• His name is actually "Sonny Hedgehog", and he lives in Nebraska under a burger joint,
• He has an entire extended family, with a mother and five sisters. (His father died at some point, naturally, and is where he got his speed from.)
• He joins the national track team, winning numerous awards. Before going into Hibernation.
• Dr. Robotnik himself accidentally digs him up one day while searching for a almighty gray chaos emerald that controls all of the emeralds, and his name was originally "Ovi Kintobor".
• He uses a machine to teach Sonic human speech, and explains he needs the emeralds to stop global warming.
• Sonic then becomes Kintobor's assistant, saving numerous animals, before accidentally passing the speed of light on a treadmill Kintobor built. Which is what turns him into his iconic blue color.
• Sonic then discovers that Kintobor has managed to seal all of the evil in the world inside six chaos emeralds, using a machine powered by rings.
• Kintobor warns Sonic that the emeralds need to be protected from radiation, which immediately begins to escape from the earth's surface.
• The radiation turns the ring machine back on, which manages to merge Kintobor with an egg. Transforming him into the evil Dr. Robotnik.

Unsurprisingly, very little of this was brought into the games and most spinoff media. Though it did end becoming the backstory for the UK's Sonic The Comic for whatever reason.

Probably the second closest canon it could reasonably fit in would be the film, maybe a What If scenario where Robotnik decides to actively work with Sonic instead of trying to capture him. The movie already ends with him going from a normal scientist to the egg-shaped villain from the games, so it's already got some basic setup.