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I will give them ONE thing and it's that the twist of "actually Dracula is Judas" is so unhinged and dropped out of nowhere that I can't help but be a little bit fond of it. Unfortunately yeah the movie sucks ass and Gerard Butler could be replaced with a cardboard cutout without anyone noticing.
Dracula 2 and Dracula 3 are slightly worse but also very slightly less boring, I'd say? Still not worth watching.
And yet they're all still so much better than Dracula 3000 please don't make the same mistake as me please don't watch Dracula 3000 there is nothing to find in there.
And yet they're all still so much better than Dracula 3000 please don't make the same mistake as me please don't watch Dracula 3000 there is nothing to find in there.
Dracula 3000 (2004), Dir. Darrell Jame Roodt, South Africa
This place is not a place of honor... no highly esteemed deed is commemorated here... nothing valued is here. What is here was dangerous and repulsive to us. This message is a warning about danger. 0.5/5
Dracula 3000 (2004), Dir. Darrell Jame Roodt, USA/South Africa)
I've started to wonder whether I actually finished watching Dracula 3000, or if my mind convinced me that I did as a defence mechanism. Perhaps I'm still there even now, watching it...
At the part where someone asked "What's a vampire", I needed to step out of the room to take a quick break. At some point we ran out of things to mix the rum with, so we started drinking it by itself. It didn't help.
Bride of Frankenstein (1935) Dir. James Whale, USA
These MFers belong dead lol. I don't know if I have anything original to say about this one. Its an all timer, Universal Horror as a style honed to diamond perfection, and one of the first true horror comedies. Plus, its gay as hell. 5/5
Bride of Frankenstein (1935, Dir. James Whale, USA)
A film where the true horror is comp het! Perfectly paced, funny and tragic, one of the all-time great horror films. This has all been pointed out many times before, but I love the way the word "friend" is used in this film; to describe Henry and Praetorius, the blind man and the monster, and the monster and his bride. Love the truly touching scenes between the monster and the blind man; the monster finds a companion who can understand him for who he really is, only to be driven out once society discovers them living together. It's the only healthy relationship he has in the film; Praetorius uses him, and the only relationship he has with someone of the opposite gender immediately turns sour. Not too surprising when you consider how many queer people were involved in this film! And on the topic of Praetorius, what a brilliantly campy performance!
Most slashers have boring talky bits between the killings, this one on the other hand has incredible kung fun fights. Horror and action are usually treated as diametrically opposed (Alien vs Aliens, Terminator vs T2), but this one is a perfect blend. Brutal and beautiful, eerie and grotesque. Would be 5 stars if not for one unnecessary scene late in the film. What if Texas Chainsaw Massacre ended with a 20 minute fight scene? It would kick ass. 4.5/5
Classic Shaw Bros. action mixed with some truly nasty horror scenes. The slasher villain here is really, really unnerving! It's not just the creepy costume, but the very strange, quick and acrobatic way that they move. And of course, the kills are just brutal. Well, if you're really into horror stuff, maybe you won't find it THAT brutal, but it was a bit much for me! Still, I have to commend the perfect blend of exciting wuxia fights and disturbing horror.
It's also very funny how the main character just can't figure out who's behind the killings, despite it being literally the most obvious person imaginable. Why did it take him so long???
#20. The Falling (1985)
It's technically a film, I guess. Proof that incredible, wonderful, sticky icky terrific gore cannot save your film. Avoid.
#21. The Deep House (2021)
An incredible setup thrown into the garbage bin, avoid, it's so boring and bland.
Previous #19
1. Demons (1985)
2. Stage Fright (1987)
3. Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978)
4. Alligator 2: The Mutation (1991)
5. Tenebrae (1982)
6. Evil Dead (2013)
7. Inferno (1980)
8. Prince of Darkness (1987)
9. Night of the Living Dead (1968)
10. Near Dark (1987)
11. Day of the Dead (1985)
12. The Hidden (1987)
13. The Blob (1988)
14. Strange Behavior (1981)
15. Scream (2022)
16. The Grapes of Death (1978)
17. Dream Demon (1988)
18. Dark Glasses (2022)
19. Suspiria (2018)
Blood the Last Vampire (2000), Dir. Hiroyuki Kitakubo, Japan
Ugh, get this shit away from me. Looks like trash, boring, terribly acted, ends with a huge fart. This was a trend setter for everything wrong with early 2000s anime imo. Might be the worst animated film I've ever seen. 1/5
Blood: The Last Vampire (2000, Dir. Hiroyuki Kitakubo, Japan)
Phosphorescent Skeleton got home late tonight so we needed to watch something really short. She suggested watching Mr. Boogedy, a film which I refuse to believe is real, and I suggested this. She said she didn't want to watch this and I said that Mr. Boogedy is a fake movie so we can't watch it. In the end we watched this movie and I wish we watched Mr. Boogedy. I wish Mr. Boogedy was a real movie
Halloween Kills (2021)
I knew this was going to be not very good but let me tell you this - it was not very good. By far its strongest part (bar a couple scenes) is the violent and gory visuals, and it has some fantastic-looking shots that aren't out of place with some of the better Halloween movies. However, the dialogue.
Everything that is ever said in this movie makes it significantly worse. The plot is so incredibly stupid that around midway through I was almost wishing they would bring the druids back (not the webcams though, those can stay gone). The entire premise is a bizarre plot hole that wants to simultaneously treat this new continuity as a real reboot and leave intact Myers' entire pop culture history, and these two things are completely and utterly irreconcilable. The plot starts off seeming like it's about cancel culture (and the dangers of "cancelling" a spree killer, specifically), but then turns out to actually be much closer to a 9/11 analogy, which is somehow even stupider. There's also a scene in the middle that's right out of a zombie movie and makes no sense in relation to... anything.
I feel like I somehow lost more of my cognitive ability just trying to make enough sense of it to type this.
One of the best films out of this era of horror. It really delivers everything you want with the premise of an invisible man. He's such a joy to watch, gleefully causing property damage or just scaring people. The scene where he's wearing a pair of pants, skipping down the street never fails to make me laugh! The effects actually still look good! They are obviously dated, but I love them in spite of that.
It's been said many times by now, but the scene where he details a train alone gives him the biggest body count out of any Universal monster. None of the others were smart enough to figure that one out, I guess.
I'll add my thoughts on the films in my other post soon....
Evil Dead 2013.... Its as mean and nasty as advertised. I dislike gorey films (I walked out on Saw 3) and this was just at my limit and at times just on the side of "so over the top gorey ita amusing). But just . Don't go in looking for fun. Did I enjoy it? Yes and I'll argue that it's the rare gorefest/slasher with a functional emotional core with some actual acting!!!
Oculus- This was really good and sufficiently tragic to actually horrorify, rather than just go for the gross out. Make no mistake, this is another brutal and merciless film, even more so than Evil Dead. We'll acted and plotted, limited jump scares.
Nosferatu (1979) - Brooding and literary. If you consider how actual people would act, it falls apart, but for this story it fits well. (If you've ever read Dracula, you understand, no one in that story acts like a real person) Filled with surreal and gothic imaginary that hits the mark and a very satisfying ending. An understated retelling of Dracula, not my favorite (can't beat the 1992 film) but it's worthy.
A Chinese Ghost Story (1987), Dir. Ching Siu-Tung, Hong Kong
By all accounts this was GHOST directed by Tsui Hark. With its wild special effects and averge dude caught up in Wuxia nonsense it certainly echos Hark's grand epic Zu, Warriors from the Magic Mountain. There's also clear influence from The Thing and Evil Dead. A lovely romantic horror action stew of a move + rapping monk. 4.5/5
A Chinese Ghost Story (1987, Dir. Ching Siu-Tung, Hong Kong)
A lot of really cool special effects in this one! Giant tongues, disembodied heads... love to see it! A well directed, surprisingly romantic horror. Great wuxia action too! The scene where the monk starts drunkenly rapping really caught me off-guard.
#22. Humonoids from the Deep (1980)
Ultra fucking sleazy, ultra fucking violent black lagoon sea people- a hell of a time! Warning: weird sexual assault on display.
#23. Subspecies (1991)
Everything the 90s and portions of the 80s wanted out of a softcoreish vampire story. Reminded me exactly of something I'd be munching popcorn too while doing homework.
#24. Bloody Muscle Body Builder In Hell (1995)
More than just a low budget Japanese shot-on-VHS love letter to the original Evil Dead- it's got real heart and soul. Love this film!!
#25. Body Bags (1993)
Three short horror stories that are actually a lot of fun! Not extremely inventive by any means, but there's a lot to enjoy here. Well worth watching. John Carpenter is great.
Previous #21
1. Demons (1985)
2. Stage Fright (1987)
3. Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978)
4. Alligator 2: The Mutation (1991)
5. Tenebrae (1982)
6. Evil Dead (2013)
7. Inferno (1980)
8. Prince of Darkness (1987)
9. Night of the Living Dead (1968)
10. Near Dark (1987)
11. Day of the Dead (1985)
12. The Hidden (1987)
13. The Blob (1988)
14. Strange Behavior (1981)
15. Scream (2022)
16. The Grapes of Death (1978)
17. Dream Demon (1988)
18. Dark Glasses (2022)
19. Suspiria (2018)
20. The Falling (1985)
21. The Deep House (2021)
Evil Dead 2013.... Its as mean and nasty as advertised. I dislike gorey films (I walked out on Saw 3) and this was just at my limit and at times just on the side of "so over the top gorey ita amusing). But just . Don't go in looking for fun. Did I enjoy it? Yes and I'll argue that it's the rare gorefest/slasher with a functional emotional core with some actual acting!!!
I honestly think this is the nastiest looking demons on film currently, especially in its unrated cut. I enjoy it, but even it makes me scream at the television it's so fucking gnarly.
Goke, Body Snatcher From Hell (1968), Dir. Hajima Sato, Japan
Lurid slime colored little film about a bunch of weird assholes dealing with a classic Body Snatcher From Hell type scenario after their plane crashes. Features 2 flavors of Joker and a Goker. There's a psychedelic orange saucer which is what my dreams look like. Neon glittering slime slithers in and out of vagina shaped head wounds. This is the one. 4.5/5
Goke, Body Snatcher From Hell (1968, Dir. Hajima Sato, Japan)
Almost nobody comes out of this film looking good! A plane full of jerks crashes and has to deal with a body snatching slime vampire. The effects for the alien are really cool and gross looking. The way it just slides into that guy's head... nasty! One detail I love is how they give the most annoying, most assholish character the most drawn out and painful death. You love to see it!
Edit: Just noticed I used the phrase, "love to see it" in my last review as well. Repetitive? Yes. Poor writing? Yes. But am I wrong? Do we not love to see it???
Like they found a way to print all my childhood fears onto celluloid. Xtro is true nightmare cinema bizarro slime, a cold overcast nightmare. Criminally underrated still, a pioneering work of body horror, and a grim fable of abuse. A must watch. 5/5
This movie has a real hold on me, like a nightmare that I just can't forget. Frequently disgusting to the point where I had to look away from the screen, unrelenting bleak and without hope. The father is just as scary as a human as he is in his inexplicable, alien forms. It's as though he can't quite remember what it was like to be human, and there's a very uncanny aspect to his performance that just sent my alarm bells into full alert. Despite all this, it's occasionally very, very fun and absurd, like that unforgettable sequence in the old neighbor's house. The original ending, though showing some of the budgetary constraints, is disturbing enough in its imagery and implications to have burned itself into my brain.
I've seen many people handwave this one as cheap shlock, something easy to do given the director's body of work, but something happened here, where everything about the production coalesced into something that I find genuinely frightening and uncomfortable.
Pictured: me waiting for Criterion's edition of Cure and the 4K release of Videodrome to show up in the mail as a birthday gift to myself:
#26. The Block Island Sound (2020)
Thought this was good-to-great given its concept and execution, even if it is lacking in the dialogue department. Unsettling horror for sure, but wish it pushed itself more.
Previous #25
1. Demons (1985)
2. Stage Fright (1987)
3. Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978)
4. Alligator 2: The Mutation (1991)
5. Tenebrae (1982)
6. Evil Dead (2013)
7. Inferno (1980)
8. Prince of Darkness (1987)
9. Night of the Living Dead (1968)
10. Near Dark (1987)
11. Day of the Dead (1985)
12. The Hidden (1987)
13. The Blob (1988)
14. Strange Behavior (1981)
15. Scream (2022)
16. The Grapes of Death (1978)
17. Dream Demon (1988)
18. Dark Glasses (2022)
19. Suspiria (2018)
20. The Falling (1985)
21. The Deep House (2021)
22. Humonoids from the Deep (1980)
23. Subspecies (1991)
24. Bloody Muscle Body Builder In Hell (1995)
25. Body Bags (1993)
Is the Cure Criterion (and I'm guessing it'll go on their streaming service too) why the film left Arrow the second I subscribed? We don't get Criterion here. Boo!
#23. Subspecies (1991)
Everything the 90s and portions of the 80s wanted out of a softcoreish vampire story. Reminded me exactly of something I'd be munching popcorn too while doing homework.
#24. Bloody Muscle Body Builder In Hell (1995)
More than just a low budget Japanese shot-on-VHS love letter to the original Evil Dead- it's got real heart and soul. Love this film!!
Bloody Muscle Body Builder in Hell sounds like it'd be up my street, got to track it down. Subspecies I've considered in my trashier moments, though I wonder if that's the same kind of poor decision-making that will lead me to watching all of David Decoteau's films.
Directed by one of the big Dons of regional horror (the other being Dohler), Phantasm is a moody dream soup nightmare stoner sf logic, cribbed Dune philosophy, guitar playing ice cream men, and a guy who is just too tall not to be sinister. Hot cars, long windy summer of dead leaves, learning about death, learning about loss. 5/5
The last film I watched, Xtro, was a nightmare. This one is just a long, strange dream. That odd, dreamy atmosphere pervades every inch of this movie. Creepy, but so mysterious. Though some of the later Phantasm films would add detail (unnecessarily, in my opinion), here all the elements are fresh and enigmatic. From the flying death balls to the inscrutable nature of the Tall Man and his intentions, it's a real classic of dream-logic cinema. Speaking of the Tall Man, he's got to be one of the best villains in horror! Creepy, strange looking, menacing... Angus Scrimm was perfectly cast here, and his line delivery is legendary.
"You play a good game, boy! But the game is finished. Now, you die!"
Night of the Ghouls (1959, Dir. Edward D. Wood Jr, USA)
This movie gave me my first taste of opulence, because I now know what it would feel like to be one of those rich people stuck inside that room in The Exterminating Angel
Is the Cure Criterion (and I'm guessing it'll go on their streaming service too) why the film left Arrow the second I subscribed? We don't get Criterion here. Boo!
Bloody Muscle Body Builder in Hell sounds like it'd be up my street, got to track it down. Subspecies I've considered in my trashier moments, though I wonder if that's the same kind of poor decision-making that will lead me to watching all of David Decoteau's films.
Bloody Body Builder is just really really fun and reminds you what horror movies can do.
Subspecies is worth watching- after some time to think about it, sure, yeah, there's much worse out there.
#27. V/H/S 99 (2022)
I dislike found footage films, I'm rarely ever convinced by the perspective/operating logic, and the characters are usually pretty grating, yes- but I like the VHS films I think, I enjoyed this one too, as a whole. They're just really fun anthology segments (for the most part) that connect (with a decent average.) This one was particularly fun if you actively remember the 90s- probably more tiresome if not.
#28. Jennifer's Body (2009)
I don't think I'll ever really enjoy this writer's dialog (except that one killer Maroon 5 joke) but this was a pretty fun time! I wonder what the unrated cut could possibly add. Really wild last five minutes including the credits- you must stay for the credits.
Previous #26
1. Demons (1985)
2. Stage Fright (1987)
3. Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978)
4. Alligator 2: The Mutation (1991)
5. Tenebrae (1982)
6. Evil Dead (2013)
7. Inferno (1980)
8. Prince of Darkness (1987)
9. Night of the Living Dead (1968)
10. Near Dark (1987)
11. Day of the Dead (1985)
12. The Hidden (1987)
13. The Blob (1988)
14. Strange Behavior (1981)
15. Scream (2022)
16. The Grapes of Death (1978)
17. Dream Demon (1988)
18. Dark Glasses (2022)
19. Suspiria (2018)
20. The Falling (1985)
21. The Deep House (2021)
22. Humonoids from the Deep (1980)
23. Subspecies (1991)
24. Bloody Muscle Body Builder In Hell (1995)
25. Body Bags (1993)
26. The Block Island Sound (2020)
People love this, but I thought it totally sucked when the monster wasn't on screen. People want the longer cut, but if this is what they kept in, wilkers, ine shudders to think. Cool music though. Ian McKellen putting in a career worst performance. 2/5
Tetsuo: The Iron Man (1989, Dir. Shinya Tsukamoto, Japan)
One of the finest works of body horror. Unforgettable images, boundlessly creative in how it's shot. The shots where the character zoom from place to place are so cool looking! And I always love to see stop motion! The grainy, 16mm film it was shot on adds to the creepy atmosphere and handcrafted feel the whole production has. I like that it's often difficult to tell what you're looking at... and the story feels just as cryptic as the images. The man spends most of the movie horrified as his body uncontrollable mutates into a repulsive, metal and flesh hybrid... but by the end, by controlling it himself, he finds a wonderful new purpose. Inspiring!
What a picture. Just totally invested in the possibilities of the medium. More visual ideas than some directors entire filmographies. It's obviously fantasticly fun and playful, but also filled with the themes of memory (how many great directors choose memory as a sorce on inspiration) and the scars of WWII and fascism that would permate his films until Obayashi's death. Obayashi was one of the greatest film makers to ever live. Don't call it Hausu.
The sheer visual creativity on display here is astounding! The brilliant use of such artificial looking special effects helps give the film such a chaotic feeling. This is something Obayashi would take advantage of all the way to his final film, the incredible Labyrinth of Cinema. While very, very goofy and fun, it's also a lot smarter than people give it credit! There's a whole undercurrent to the movie about the scars fascism leaves on generations, the past assimilating and devouring the present.
For some side notes; that piano MUST have inspired the one in Mario 64, right?? Also, look out for the cameos from fake Trucker Yaro and fake Tora-san! And I love that cute cat!
I saw House in a theater last weekend, probably my third watch. I admire the movie's confidence and dedication in going all in with its vision and being openly experimental and challenging. One thing that is so unique with House is that it spends just as much creative energy in the "normal" school life as the rest of the movie gets.
I would like to watch Labyrinth of Cinema soon. I've seen The Little Girl Who Conquered Time, The Rocking Horsemen, and The Island Closest to Heaven. I get the impression that there's something to appreciate in all of his films!
The only other spooky movie I've watched this month so far is Vincent Price"s The Last Man on Earth, but we're planning on a daytime Queen of the Damned/Beetlejuice double feature on Halloween since we both have the day off.
Monsters Crash the Pajama Party (1965, Dir. David L. Hewitt, USA)
I'll be honest, I don't really know what happened in this because I wasn't paying attention. I was too busy drinking rum and trying to get people to do an AMA with me on Discord, like a "I'm drunk! AMA" sort of thing. I don't know anything about this movie
This is a wild one for sure. A cult movie everyone has seen but kt still totally rocks. Just as good as 2. Wow the things in this folm. Jsut wowpwowowlwlkwkwkw.
Would be a perfect score for me if it wasn't for how uncomfortable that scene with the tree makes me. Otherwise, amazing film! Really creative camerawork, great makeup and gore effects. Bruce Campbell is just wonderful in it. It's kind of weird to see him so young! Personally I still prefer the second film, but I still had a great time with this one for the most part.
Don't Let The Riverbeast Get You! (2012) Dir. Charles Roxburgh, USA
Matt Farley and Chalres Roxburgh's Motern Media empire is one of modern cinemas best kept secrets, but to it's initiates, Riverbeast is tantamount to a holy text, a ritual far beyond the grandeur of any phoney baloney Rocky Horror or The Room. These are people who walk such a razor thin line between parody, camp, comedy, and sincerity that the images and sounds bleed and shine. This is one of the funniest movies ever made, a backyard extravaganza where deadlines are set a week from yesterday, tutors are reviled and hailed as heroes, where aquatic beast are indecorous, and kitty litter is a panacea. 5/5
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