Raccoon
Fox Brigade
- Pronouns
- He/Him
What? Did you expect some grand diatribe? What else is there to say?
(Updated August 25)
Q: Will there be a Direct in August?
A: Almost certainly not!
Q: Will there be an Indie World in August?
A: Probably not! There's still time left technically, but I think if it were happening it would've already happened.
Q: Will there be a Direct in September?
A: Probably! Generally Nintendo has had some sort of presentation one to two weeks before the Tokyo Game Show, an exposition that takes place every September, this year between Thursday, September 15 and Sunday, September 18. Notably, we have pretty reliable reason to believe that there will be something from Nintendo this September.
Q: Could that "something" be a Partner Showcase?
A: That's what happened last time! At this point it would be a little surprising, but Nintendo is nothing if not surprising.
Q: Is there going to be new hardware this year?
A: Almost certainly not. While it technically isn't too late for an early November launch, it just seems too far removed from the current state of affairs. With the Splatoon 3 special edition OLED model coming later this month, it feels like the moment to even entertain hardware jokingly has passed.
Q: Okay, what about next year?
A: The community is divided. At this point, my personal guess is no, but this is the result of my attempts to no longer even think about rumors.
Q: Wait, you're the Direct thread OP and you don't care about rumors?
A: That's the goal!
Q: Raccoon, that's wack. You're wack.
A: That is not a question and I refuse to acknowledge it.
Q: You just did.
A: Look, we're not doing this again. I'm trying to make this a more serious OP for the benefit of people who struggle to keep up with the vibes of community speculation.
Q: Okay, I'm sorry.
A: Thank you. Wait, no. Ask a real question, please.
Q: If I asked a real question now, wouldn't the people who stopped reading miss valuable information?
A: Point well taken. I'll put any additions before all this.
SOURCES: Nikkei article offhandedly said there wasn't new hardware because outside of the gamer bubble everybody knows there's no hardware
Splatoon version 1.3 patch will be available on 9/9; update will take up 6 gigabytes and 60 dollars
Ladies and gentlemen, ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much for visiting with us this evening. Now I've traveled across half our forum to be here and to see about this thread. Now I daresay some of you might have heard some of the more extravagant rumors about what my plans are, so I just thought you'd like to hear it from me. This is the face -- it's no great mystery.I'm a Switch Pro man, ladies and gentlemen. I have numerous concerns spread across the internet. I have many rumor wells flowing at many thousand posts per days. I like to think of myself as a Switch Pro man. And as a Switch Pro man I hope that you'll forgive just good old-fashioned plain posting. Now this work that we do is very much a family enterprise. I work side by side with my wonderful father @Skittzo. I think one or two of you might have met him already. I encourage my posters to bring their families as well. Of course it makes for an ever so much more rewarding life for them. Family means children; children means shitty meme game port begging. So wherever we set up camp, shitty meme game port begging is a necessity, and we're just so happy to take care of that. So let's build a wonderful Friday Night Funkin' thread on Famiboards. These children are the future that we strive for and so they should have the very best of shitty meme games.
Now something else, and please don't be insulted if I speak about this: copium. Let's talk about copium. Now to my mind, it's an abomination to consider that any person, adult or child, on this magnificent forum of ours should have to look upon a tank of copium as a luxury. We're going to dig rumor wells here. Rumor wells means speculation; speculation means confirmation. We're going to raise hopes here where before it just simply was impossible. You're going to have more hope than you know what to do with. Copium will be coming right out of your ears, ma'am.
New rumors, speculation, hopium, copium; these are just a few of the things we can offer you, and I assure you ladies and gentlemen, that if we do find rumors here, and I think there's a very good chance that we will, this community of yours will not only survive, it will flourish.
I'd be happy to answer any questions that you might have. Yes, @eli?
eli said:
Well, that will be the first place that they lead. Thank you, eli. Anyone else?
Well, if anything comes up, I'm pretty easy to find and you just come and @ me. Thank you so much for your time. Good night.
Welcome to this special speculation thread, available for a limited time only. As a recap, last month's saga ended quite humorously with the first Partner Showcase since 2020. However, this stunning conclusion has only left us waiting with bated breath for the main event that may or may not actually be coming. What will it look like? What form will it take? I have a few ideas in mind, but as of the time of publication nothing is concrete.
We are truly in a new era, and I am happy to be present for it. As we enter these uncharted waters, it may be best to review some common questions and practices.
Q: So do you guys seriously think x is happening?
A: It depends on what you mean by seriously. While we are at the forefront of entertaining insider hints and teases, I find it best not to take anything for granted.
Q: So I can @ these people and ask them to clarify things, right?
A: That depends on if you want to be cringe.
Q: Asking questions is cringe?
A: In this context, yes. Do not @ people asking for info, as it is cringe.
Q: What are these "insiders" good for, anyway?
A: They share information as they deem appropriate. All we can do is listen, react, and speculate.
Q: Raccoon, what if I think you're cringe?
A: Kill not the part of you that is cringe, kill that which cringes.
Q: So I can @ NateDrake?
A: No. That would be cringe.
This section will be updated if we ever actually get any news, here realistically meaning "Tweets by Andy Robinson, Jeff Grubb, etc." Candidly, I do not expect it. All the same, what kind of ST doesn't have a news section?
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